# Hackles (http://hackles.org/) (C) 2001-2004 Drake Emko & Jen Brodzik. # Human OCR performed by a group of ABC Linuxu (http://abclinuxu.cz/) members. # Send patches to yeti (at physics.muni.cz). 1 Hackles, Percy, Pete 1Label: New Sys Admins. Please welcome our newest employees. 2 Hackles, Percy, Pete 1Hackles: I tried compiling a new driver for my network card, but I'm still getting errors... 3Label: RTFM 3 Hackles 1Hackles: RTFM? Penguins can be so cryptic sometimes... I'll just look it up. 2Hackles: The Hacker's Dictionary RTFM -- [UNIX] Acronym for Read The F***ing Manual 3Hackles: A simple RTM would have sufficed... 4 Boss, Katrina 1Katrina: And for my last job, I created an interactive website for the Krazy Kantip Co. 2Boss: Well, I'm very impressed with your credentials Miss Vitles. Welcome to BitCo. You will receive your first paycheck next week... 3Boss: ...minus the cost of one office chair. 3Katrina: Can I keep this one as a scratching post? 5 Katrina, Marcus 1Marcus: I can't believe the boss hired a new webmaster -- I told him that marketing could make our website 2Marcus: Hey! Are you the new hotshot web designer?! I wanna have a word with... 3Marcus: ...you 6 Katrina, Marcus 1Marcus: You are making Web pages with just a text editor? On a UNIX machine?! HA! 2Marcus: Get out of the stone age! You should be using a GUI development studio! And everyone these days uses Windows! 3Katrina: My instincts always get the best of me. 3Marcus: Oomph! Urgh! 7 Katrina, Marcus, Percy, Pete 1Marcus: I can't believe my computer got infected with another Outlook virus! Can't you disinfect my system!? 2Label: Success 2Percy: Tap, tap, tap 3Marcus: Hey! He just erased my Windows and replaced it with Linux! 3Katrina: You did ask him to disinfect it, right? 8 Hackles 1Hackles: Gotta cut down on that coffee. 2Label: Bathroom 2Hackles: C'mon! Open up! 3Label: Litter 3Hackles: Looks like they hired someone new. 9 Boss, Hackles 1Boss: I need you to make a presentation of your proposed technology for some investors. 2Hackles: Groan! 2Boss: Now I know how I much you programmers hate doing fancy presentations. 3Boss: But can you try to make this one a little more "professional" than your last effort? 3Hackles: Sorry about the coffee stain. 10 Hackles, Katrina 1Hackles: Thanks for showing me how to use the GIMP. I could really use new graphics for my next presentation. 2Katrina: No problem! I love this stuff. Now let me show you how to use filters to create some cool special effects. 3Katrina: Just be careful... beginners tend to overuse the flashy stuff. 3Hackles: Of course. 3Hackles: Awesome 11 Boss, Hackles 1Narrator: Hackles puts on his big presentation 1Label: Conceptual diagram 2Narrator: He's very proud of his new graphics skills 3Boss: I need to start doing mandatory drug testing! 12 Boss, Hazel 1Hazel: Sigh. It's so boring being a receptionist here. I need a little pep in my day. 2Boss: Hazel, I'm thinking of giving all the employees a drug test next week... 3Hazel: It's only carrot juice, I swear! 13 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Katrina, Marcus 1Katrina: Can you believe the boss is gonna make us take a drug test? 2Katrina: I wonder what would make him think we are on drugs? 3Label: 9th cup of coffee 14 Boss, Marcus 1Marcus: I wanted to let you know, I'm behind this drug test 100%. We need to weed out the hippies... 1Marcus: ! 2Marcus: What the heck is that? 2Boss: It's my new iMac! 3Label: Boss Dog 3Label: OS X, UML, DB2, Oracle 3Marcus: And he thinks we need a drug test? 15 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Katrina, Marcus, Percy, Pete 1Boss: I have the drug test results... Good news -- you all tested negative for illicit substances. 2Boss: However, the lab people think you're consuming too much caffeine. 2Hackles: They can tell that from our samples? 3Boss: The said your samples made the lab smell like a Starbucks! 3Hazel: Yuk! 3Pete: Cool 3Hackles: Gross 16 Hackles 1Narrator: Before Web Comics 1Hackles: I want something new. 2Narrator: After Web Comics 2Hackles: I've never seen this one before... Just one more strip, then I'll go to bed. 3Narrator: Isn't life better now? 3Hackles: So many choices... Can't stop reading. 3Hackles: Hey, this one looks like me! 17 Hazel, Katrina 1Hazel: If you could have any wish, what would it be? 2Katrina: I wish all Web browsers would drop their proprietary tags and conform to W3C's HTML 4.01 and the ECMA Script 262 v.2 specifications. 3Hazel: I would wish for some normal friends. 3Katrina: Mmmm... Standards compliance... 18 Hackles, Pete, Percy 1Hackles: I'm going to build a firewall box for my home network. Which would you guys recommend for it -- Linux or Solaris? 3Narrator: There are certain things you should never ask a penguin. 3Hackles: Well, this is awkward... 19 Hazel, Percy 1Hazel: If you could have any wish, what would it be? 1Percy: (fish) 2Hazel: You want a fish? That's it? 3Percy: (fish) (fish) 3Hazel: Two fish -- that's better, I guess. 20 Hackles, Boss 1Label: Poof 1Hackles: Yikes! 1Boss: The power's out! 2Boss: You might as well go home, Hackles. They won't fix the city's power until tomorrow. 2Hackles: Yeah, day off! 3Narrator: A day off without electricity 21 Hackles, Katrina 1Katrina: Knock, knock 1Hackles: Come in! 2Hackles: Hi, Katrina 2Katrina: Since we all have the day off, I'm rounding up the guys from work. Let's go out! 3Katrina: Life without electricity is really getting to you, isn't it? 3Hackles: Must... check email... 22 Hackles, Katrina, Pete, Marcus, Policebear 1Katrina: Ah, isn't it refreshing to be out in the real world? It's insane to be cooped up in a cubicle all day! 2Label: Police line 2Policebear: This acrobatic squirrel troupe shorted the city's power lines. 3Hackles: I think reality is more insane. 23 Marcus 1Label: Squeeky's Homemade Cheeses 1Label: DOT COM VICTIMS 1Mouse: Got any spare change for some laid off dot-com employees? 2Marcus: You hippies! The recent layoffs were great for business. What useless job did you guys have anyway? 3Mouse: Marketing 24 Hackles, Katrina, Pete, Percy, Preston 1Label: Corn On A Stick 1Katrina: One corn Cajun style, please. 1Hackles: Hey, where are Percy & Pete? 2Label: Computer Store 2Hackles: Looks like they are trying out some computers. 3Katrina: Don't they know the city's power is still out? 3Hackles: Crazy penguins. 25 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Katrina 1Katrina: That was a fun day off... too bad Hazel couldn't join us. 2Label: BitCo. 2Katrina: I looked for her after work, but she wasn't home. 3Boss: Did you remember to lock up yesterday, Hackles? 3Hackles: -- of course! 26 Katrina, Marcus 1Marcus: What's that you're wearing? We have a dress code, you know! 1Katrina: I'm wearing this badge in honor of the U.S.S. Voyager, which finally arrived home after seven gruelling years. 2Marcus: Well, that's different. I'm glad you're paying respect to the brave men & women who defend our country! 3Katrina: I guess he doesn't need to know it's just a TV show... 27 Hackles, Katrina, Pete, Percy 1Hackles: Do you guys want to come to my house tonight to watch Star Wars? 1Katrina: Sounds fun! 2Hackles: Here we go! 3Katrina: I keep forgetting that Phantom Menace is considered "Star Wars". 28 Hazel, Katrina 2Hazel: Blam! Pow! 2Katrina: Hazel seems happy -- probably dreaming about carrots... 3Hazel: Die! Die! 29 Hackles, Katrina 1TV: Microsoft acknowledged that a patch released for their Exchange mail server not only failed to fix a security hole, but introduced a catastrophic bug causing many servers to hang. 2TV: This comes at an embarassing time for this company, which is mounting a campaign to convince the public that Open Source code, such as Linux, is "unhealthy" and "disease" 3TV: A Microsoft spokespersons stated, "This will not happen again. Period." 3Hazel: Yeah, right! 30 Hackles, Marcus 1Marcus: The Open Source movement is ruining our economy! It undermines legitimate software business with its hippy anti-capitalist philosophy! 2Hackles: Are you telling me you'd rather spend hundreds of dollars on a Microsoft product then use something that's better and costs nothing? 3Marcus: Spend hundreds of dollars? Do I look like a chump? I get all of my software from WAREZ sites! 31 Boss, Hackles, turtle 1Boss: We need to hire another programmer. I'd like your help interviewing the applicants, Hackles. 1Hackles: How they look? 1Boss: Not so good. 2Hackles: Let me get this straight... You mainly program in LOGO? A primitive language created to teach children how to draw? 2Turtle: err... 3Turtle: I brought my portfolio... 32 Boss, Hackles, sloth, turtle 1Hackles: We'll let you know if you get the job. 1Turtle: Bye! Thanks for the interview. 2Narrator: An hour later... 3Hackles: Man, this day is lasting forever! Who else do we have to interview? 3Sloth: Hi... am... I... late... for... the... interview? 3Label: 3toed sloth 33 Hackles, raccoon 1Hackles: Your resume says you were the lead developer of the Mozilla browser, the Apache Web Server, and ... the Linux kernel. 2Hackles: Apparently, you also developed Amazon.com's patented one-click shopping system... 2Hackles: You know, I'm not so sure I can trust you. 3Hackles: Hey, where's my tie? 34 Boss, Hackles, skunk 1Skunk: But I've been programming in COBOL for over ten years.! 1Hackles: I'm sorry, but we're looking for someone with Java or C++ experience. 2Skunk: I can't believe I'm getting turned down for another job! 2Hackles: Err, please don't take it personally, Miss! 3Hackles: I want to go home. 35 Boss, Hackles, Preston 1Boss: Since we couldn't find a qualified programmer during our interviews, the main office is transferring one of their coder to use. He should arrive at any time. 2Boss: Here he is. 2Hackles: Great! I hope he's a good programmer. 3Preston: ph34r my 133t 5ki11z! 3Hackles: There goes the neighbourhood. 36 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: So do you think you can learn our technology? 1Preston: Ha! I can code anything with my 133t h4X0ring skillz! 2Hackles: Cool. I need you to construct an abstract class for storing and searching serialized objects using a self-adjusting binary tree. Can you do that? 3Preston: I don't like you. 37 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: Preston, do you consider programming more of an art or a science? 2Preston: Quiet! I'm trying to cut and paste 300 lines of code into 7 different places! 3Hackles: Never mind. 38 Boss, Hackles, Katrina, Preston 1Boss: I'll have the ham special. 1Hackles: Pork chops for me... 1Katrina: BLT, please. 3Katrina: Um, waiter, change that to salad for me, please. 3Boss: Me too! 3Hackles: Me too! 39 Hackles, Katrina, Preston 1Preston: Now that's what I call a salad bar. 2Preston: Trip! 2Preston: Yikes! 3Hackles: Must he tempt us like this? 3Katrina: Must he tempt us like this? 40 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: What's that you are drinking? 1Preston: Mountain Swill. 1Hackles: Never heard of it. 2Preston: Never heard of Mountain Swill?!? Why it's the #1 drink of programmers. Sweet ambrosia and caffeine for the coder! 3Hackles: Actually, I drink Mountain Dew. 3Preston: Never heard of it. 41 Boss, Hazel, Red robot 1Hazel: Zzz... 2Red robot: Tap, tap 3Hazel: I don't know how your confidential files got scrambled! I swear I didn't do it! 42 Hazel, Percy, Pete 1Hazel: Percy, Pete -- I think someone tampered with my computer! 2Hazel: They deleted a bunch of files and left a big red dent on the keyboard! 3Hazel: Do you have any idea what happened? 43 Percy, Pete 1Narrator: Because of the recent infiltrations, the penguins began to suspect that red robot was onto their plans 2Narrator: They quickly removed all of their secret data from the network, burning it onto a CD-ROM. 3Narrator: Then they hid the disc in a place no one would ever look... 3Label: Kathy Lee Gifford's Greatest Hits 44 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Pete 1Boss: The company purchased new computers for everyone. Percy and Pete have been busy setting up the new network. 2Boss: They've given each computer a Star Wars host name so we should each get a name we like! 3Label: jar-jar login: 3Hackles: Those penguins... 45 Hackles, Katrina 1Hackles: Wow, BitCo gave you a great new computer, Katrina! 2Hackles: 1.2 GHz Athlon processor, 512 MB of RAM, 40 GB hard drive... 3Hackles: Katrina? 3Katrina: What a great box! I love the perks of this job! 46 Hackles, Hazel 1Hackles: This new computer BitCo gave me is pretty cool. But I'll need to download a new driver to get my video card to work... 2Narrator: Later that night 2Hackles: Rats! I need to change the Makefile for this to compile. 2Hackles: Argh! that screwed up some dependencies! 2Hackles: Grr, now I must upgrade the X libraries. 2Hackles: Maybe this kernel patch will fix it... 3Narrator: Next morning 3Hackles: Finally it works... 3Hazel: Hey, is that the "Linux" I keep hearing about? Looks like Fun! 47 Boss, Preston 1Preston: How come everyone else here got a new computer, but I'm stuck with this laptop? 2Boss: Sorry Preston, but those computers were ordered before you were hired. What's wrong with your laptop anyway? 3Preston: You try typing on this tiny keyboard with these hooves! 48 Hackles, Katrina 1Hackles: I've got to debug this code, but I can hardly stay awake... so many bugs... ZZZ 2Hackles: Aieeeee! Bugs everywhere! 3Hackles: ZZZ... get off me... shoo! 3Katrina: Uh oh, fleas in the office! 49 Hackles, Hazel 1Label: Follow the white rabbit. 2Hackles: I'm so tired, I must be hallucinating! 3Hazel: Um, Hackles, could you help me install some software on my computer? 3Hackles: Omigosh! 50 Hackles, Marcus 1Hackles: So tired... 1Marcus: I need that feature completed now! How am I supposed to market something if you lazy programmers won't BLAH BLAH BLAH. 2Hackles: Can barely keep my eyes open... 2Marcus: Blah Blah Blah! 3Hackles: Zzz... 3Marcus: I hate my co -- workers. 51 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: You look beat! Here, try some Mountain Swill. 2Hackles: Gulp, gulp. 2Preston: It'll pick you right up. How do you feel? 3Hackles: Much better. 52 Hackles, Hazel, Preston 1Preston, Hackles: We slurped the Swill... Now to get EXTREME! 2Hackles: I'm coding lambda closures to persist values in enclosing scopes! 2Preston: What does it do? Who knows?! 2Preston: I'm sending a #pragma directive to the preprocessor! 3Hazel: I think you guys have a different definition of "Extreme" than most people. 3Preston, Hackles: EXTREME! 53 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: Now this is Extreme! 1Preston: Yeah, they should make office chair racing an Olympic event! 2Preston: Hackles! Look out for the wall! 3Label: Warning: Over-consumption of Mountain Swill may cause random acts of insanity. 54 Boss, Hackles 1Boss: Hackles, the code you wrote today is nonsensical, and you look like you need sleep! Why don't you take the rest of the day off? 1Hackles: It's OK, I can make it, Boss... 2Boss: Well, in that case, I want you to attend the 3hour team building workshop this afternoon. 2Hackles: ! 3Boss: Works every time... 55 Katrina, Marcus, Pete, Percy 1Marcus: This P2P filesharing software is great! I just downloaded a whole season of Rat Limbaugh's ultra right-wing radio show. 2Marcus: Now I'll just crank up the volume and let Rat's wisdom permeate the office. 2Marcus: Those FelineNazis are at it again! 3Label: Blah, blah, blah... 3Marcus: You tell 'em, Rat! 56 Katrina, Marcus, cats 1Marcus: What's this webcam doing on my computer 1Katrina: I put it up there so your fans can see you, Marcus! 2Katrina: I thought all the aspiring young ultra-conservatives out there would like to watch their hero at work! 2Marcus: Well it does feel nice to be a role model. 3Cat: Hey, check out this new webcam site, www.catfood-cam.com! 57 Katrina, Marcus 1Marcus: I got my first fan email! She says I look "yummy." 2Marcus: We're going on a date. 2Katrina: Maybe I should tell Marcus that his "fans" are actually hungry cats... 3Marcus: I'm taking her to the ultra-conservative mice convention. 3Katrina: Nah! 3Katrina: I'm sure she'll be a hit! 58 Marcus, Percy, Pete 1Marcus: I'm going on date tonight! When was the last time you geeks had a date? 1Percy, Pete: Quork. 2Marcus: You're saying you get dates all the time? I don't believe it... 2Percy, Pete: NOD 3Marcus: Wait a minute -- chat room "dates" don't count! #Percy, Pete: Sigh 59 Marcus, Preston 1Marcus: I've got a hot date tonight! 2Preston: Ha! You? I bet she's fat and ugly! 2Marcus: All I know is tonight I'm seeing a girl, while you're gonna sit at home in front of a computer, pigging out on chips and Swill! 3Preston: That's _tacos_ and Swill -- shows how much you know, mouse... 60 Hazel, Hackles, Katrina, Marcus, Percy, Preston 1Narrator: Jen and Drake are on vacation this week. 61 Marcus, Dottie 1Marcus: I moussed my hair, bought some flowers -- I'm gonna make a great impression on Dottie! 2Marcus: I hope she's pretty. These blind dates can be unpredictable. 3Marcus: Hmm... She's a big girl, but kind of cute... 3Dotty: Hi honey! 62 Hazel, Hackles, Katrina, Percy, Pete 1Label: This strip is dedicated to the victims of the atrocities that took place on September 11, 2001. 1Hackles: Arooooo! 63 Hackles, Katrina, Marcus, Dottie, mice 1Label: Mingus 1Katrina: I feel a little guilty -- Marcus is going on a date tonight, and I didn't tell him his date is a cat! 2Label: Gnome 2Hackles: I wouldn't worry, Katrina. Inter-species dating is pretty common these days. I bet they're having a great time! 3Label: Ultra-conservative mice convention 64 Marcus, Preston 1Preston: How was your date, Marcus? Hey, what happened to your tail? 1Marcus: I don't want to talk about it... 2Marcus: Let's just say I'm not going on any more dates with girls I meet over the Internet. You never know if they really are who they claim to be. 3Preston: I know what you mean. This one girl told me she was a Vietnamese pot-belly big in her e-mail, but when I met here, she was a Cantonese! 3Marcus: This was slightly more serious, Preston. 65 Hackles, Katrina, Percy, Pete, Preston 1Preston: Hey guys, Percy has a 133t joke for us... 1Percy: chmod a+x /bin/laden 2Pete: Ha ha ha! 2Preston: Ha ha ha! 2Hackles: Ha ha ha! 3Preston: I don't get it. 66 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: I wrote a stochastic algorithm which stochastically adjusts to a stochastic job schedule... 2Label: Employee of the Month 2Hackles: Preston, did you just learn the word stochastic today? 3Preston: Maybe. 67 Hazel, Katrina 1Hazel: Katrina, mu hard drive crashed and I lost all my data! 2Katrina: Don't worry, Hazel. The penguins back up our drives every night. You can ask them to restore your files... but they do have a price. 3Hazel: I wondered why they installed this pond behind the office... 68 Marcus, Preston 1Label: 1st Ave. 1Preston: We still have a few minutes on our lunch break. Let's got to the arcade to play some Galaga! 1Marcus: Forget Galaga! I found an arcade with a much better game. 2Label: ARCADE Hours 8AM-11PM 2Preston: This game had better to be good. 2Marcus: Oh, it is! 3Preston: You are one weird mouse! 3Marcus: I'll get you, mole! 69 Marcus, Preston, mole 1Marcus: Whack! 1Marcus: Gotcha! Gotcha! 1Mole: Excuse me, sir. I am taking part in a peaceful protest against this barbaric "Whack-a-Mole" game. 2Marcus: Whack! 2Mole: Oof! 2Marcus: Gotcha! Oops! 3Marcus: Peaceful protest my tail! 70 Marcus, Preston 1Preston: Whack-a-Mole stinks! I'm installing a _real_ game on my computer, Blood Battle III! 1Marcus: Yeah, right... 2Marcus: Games like this promote senseless violence in our society. Whack-a-Mole is good, wholesome family fun! 3Preston: At least Blood Battle III is an equal opportunity killing game. You won't see me discriminating against the moles! 3Marcus: Don't get politically correct on me! 71 Preston, Robot BOB 1Preston: I'm looking for the SwineForce 2000 videocard. 1Robot BOB: Well, OK... 2Robot BOB: But why settle for that old card, when you can get the NEW SwineForce X-2000, for only $100 more?!? 2Preston: Gah! OK, I'll take it! 3Robot BOB: Bwahahaha! Sucker! 3Preston: You know, I;m still here... 3Robot BOB: OOPS! 72 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: Introducing... the SwineForce X-2000 video card! 1Hackles: Whoa! That thing is huge! 2Preston: You bet! 128 MB of DDR RAM, 2 cooling fans, advanced 3D chipset... 3Preston: Oomph, it barely fits in the case... 3Hackles: That glowing is starting to worry me... 73 Preston, Pete, Percy 1Preston: I'm gonna kick your butts in Blood Battle III. Wait'll you see the frame rate I get with my SwineForce X-2000 video card! 1Percy: Quork 1Pete: Quork 2Preston: What do you mean, there isn't any X-2000? The red robot who sold it to me said it was the top of the line! 2Pete: ! 2Percy: ! 3Preston: I didn't know those fat birds were capable of running. 74 Pete, Percy, Preston 1Label: EXIT 1Preston: Gah! What are you guys doing with my computer? 2Label: EXIT 2Preston: No! My SwineForce X-2000 video card! When I get my hooves on you, I'm gonna... 3Label: EXIT 3Label: BLAM! 3Preston: ...Oh 75 Hackles, Katrina, Hazel, Boss, Preston 1Hackles: I finally finished that code! I must admit it is a masterful example of recursion and elegance. Maybe now I'll get some appreciation. 2Hackles: I can see it now! 2Katrina: Hackles, you are a genius 2Boss: Here's a medal for your exemplary coding skills! 2Hazel: My hero! 3Preston: Done yet? It's about time you finished that stupid code! 3Hackles: Back to reality... 76 Hazel 1Computer: This website is attempting to send you a cookie. Do you accept? 2Label: Yes 3Hazel: Where's my cookie?!? 77 Hackles, Katrina, Boss, Hazel, Penguin 1Computer: Aieee! ... Kernel Panic! 1Hackels: Kernel Panic?! 2Katrina: Kernel Panic? 2Somebody: Kernel Panic! 3Hazel: Kernel Panic!! 3Boss: I'm switching their coffee to decaf! 3Penguin: Quork 3Somebody: Aieee! 78 Preston, Boss 1Preston: Hey Boss, I'm gonna kick your Mac-loving butt in Blood Battle III! 2Preston: What kind of games are you Mac Lusers used to playing? Tha flying toaster game? Ha! I'm gonna frag you until... 2Computer: ACK! 3Boss: ownzed j00. 79 Katrina, Preston, Hazel 1Computer: ACK! AIEE! OOMPH! 1Katrina: Could you please turn down the sound on your game? I can't concentrate! 2Preston: But I've got the sounds turned off! 2Computer: EEK! ARGH! 2Katrina: Then where are those noises coming from? 3Computer: NO! AIEE! GAHHHH! 3Hazel: Almost got you, pig! 80 Katrina, Hackles 1Katrina: (The fearsome jungle cat waits, silently and patiently, for her prey to appear ...) 2Katrina: (She lunges for the kill!) 3Hackles: No fair camping! 3Katrina: * snicker * I'm a cat - it's called _pouncing_! 81 Hazel 1Hazel: (This Blood Battle game is _so_ stressful! I'm surrounded by vicious enemies! Panic is setting in..._ 2Label: ARAHHH!!! FOOM! BANZAI! BLAM! 2Hazel: (Here goes nothing ...) 3Hazel: (Nothing's more dangerous than a cornered animal...) 3Hazel: (... armed with a rocket launcher.) 82 Katrina, Marcus, Hazel 1Katrina: Hey Marcus, are you going to the office Halloween party? 1Marcus: Yup! I hope it will be as fun as last year's. 2Katrina: Really? What happened at last year's party? 2Marcus: Let's just say the puch was spiked... 3Marcus: ... and a certain rabbit went wild with the copy machine. 3Hazel: It was carrot punch! I couldn't stop drinking it! 3Katrina: Hazel, you party animal! 83 Hackles, Katrina, Penguins, Preston, Marcus 1Hackles: Greetings, 7 of 9 Lives! 1Katrina: HaHa! You're Wilbur, from the Gimp! Great costume... 2Katrina: Hey, it's the BSD daemon! And Percy, it looks like you're dressed as Tux...very interesting. 3Katrina: Hi Marcus... um, what are you dressed as? 3Marcus: I'm a ghost! Haven't you geeks ever seen a normal Halloween costume? 3Preston: (Pika!) 84 Preston, Hazel 1Preston: You've been kicking butt at Blood Battle III, Hazel! You should compete in the local tournament this weekend! 1Hazel: Tournament? 2Preston: Yes! Where the most accomplished BB III players convene to test their mental and physical prowess in an Olympic-worthy maraton of pure athleticism! 2Hazel: Sounds fun! 3Label: WELCOME BB III PLAYERS 3Hazel: I don't know about this "pure athleticism"... 85 Hazel, Katrina, Hackles, Boss, rat 1Hazel: (Gotcha!) 1rat: Rats! 2Shouting: Nice game! Yay Hazel! You go! 2Hazel: (It's nice to have supportive friends...) 3Shouting: Whee! Yay! 3Hazel: (... but this is getting embarassing!) 86 Hazel, Ollie 1Hazel: Hi, you must be Ollie. It looks like we'll be playing against each other in the championship match. 1Ollie: Ha, a rabbit! 2Ollie: I eat vermin like you for breakfast! But to show that I'm a good sport, here's a gift to you for good luck - a rabbit's foot! 3Hazel: Now he must die! 3Labe: BB III Let the Fragging Begin 87 Ollie, Hazel 1Ollie: You're not so bad at this game, Rabbit! How about after I frag you, we go out for a pizza together? 2Hazel: How dare you ask me on a date after acting like such a JERK to me!!! 2Label: BLAM! 3Ollie: (The predator has become the prey...) 88 Hackles, Katrina, Hazel, Dog 1Hackles: I wonder where Hazel is? Wasn't she going to join us for a celebratory glass of carrot juice? 2Katrina: Are you kidding? She was the first female to ever win the Blood Bottle III tournament! I'll bet she's still there, surrounded by suitors! 2Hackles: Hehe 3Dog: Do you want to see my Magic card collection? Maybe we can play some D&D afterwards - your character can wear a chain mail bikini! 3Hazel: (Must escape...) 89 Marcus 1Marcus: Not only did I have to _pay_ you to beta-test Windows XP - now I have to _call_ for permission to upgrade my hardware to use your crappy OS?!? 2Marcus: I can't take it! 2Sounds: YEARRRGH! Fling! CRASH! 3Marcus: So that's why they call it Windows... 90 Boss, Katrina 1Boss: One of our investors suggested that we base our Web product on Microsoft technology - ASP, VB and ActiveX controls. What do you think, Katrina? 2Katrina: (Anger...rising...must control hatred...must respond in a professional manner...) 3Boss: OK, let's scratch that idea - on to the next item... 3Katrina: (Am I that easy to read?) 91 Marcus, Katrina, Percy, Pete 1Katrina: I can't wait until Thanksgiving! Mmm... mashed potatoes, gravy, stuffing, cranberry sauce, and best of all... 3Marcus: (Blubber gravy??) 3Katrina: (I'm just thankful I'm not a penguin!) 92 Hackles, Percy, Pete 1Hackles: I can't believe how fanatical people can get about text editors. This guy on Usenet even flamed me over my choice! 2Hackles: What is there to get upset about? I simply use emacs because it's much more powerful than vi. Big deal! 3Hackles: (Oh, boy.) 93 Hackles, Katrina 1Hackles: I can't believe the penguins are mad at me just because I use emacs and they use vi. 2Katrina: Yeah, text editor prejudice is a terrible thing. I wouldn't want anyone judging me because I use pico. 3Hackles: pico?!? What kind of person uses pico? 94 Hackles, Penguin, Marcus 1Marcus: So did you guys finish those reports I need? 1Penguin: Quork 2Hackles: Oh, so you finished first because you used "vi" eh? Well, with emacs my report is auto-formatted and spell checked, all with one keystroke! 3Marcus: vi and emacs? What are those, the street names of the drugs you geeks take? 95 Katrina, Boss 1Katrina: I can't understand all the hatred and religious intolerance. Why can't everyone get along? 2Boss: Yes, I wish we could make peace with our neighbors in the Middle East. It would be nice to live in a world where problems were not solved with violence. 3Katrina: Um, I was talking about the emacs vs. vi battle between Hackles and the penguins. 96 Preston, Hackles 1Preston: Hmm... 1Book: PERL FOR MORONS 2Preston: Uh oh, someone's coming. 3Hackles: Hey Preston, that's a great book! 3Book: O'Reillys' Programming Perl 3Preston: Yeah, I know! 4Book: PERL FOR MORONS 4Preston: That was close... 97 Boss, Katrina, Hazel, Hackles 1Boss: It's time for lunch! Where does everyone want to go? 2Katrina: Chez Catnip's has great coffee and hummus sandwiches. 2Hazel: Rabbitzmo's has tasty salads! 3Boss: ALL you can EAT BUFFET!! 3hackles: ALL you can EAT BUFFET!! 3Label: grow, grumble 4Hazel: Dogs! 4Katrina: Dogs! 4Label: ZIP 98 Boss, Preston, Hackles 1Boss: Hackles, Preston, you guys have been working around the clock all week, but I haven't seen a single line of a new code from you! 2Preston: Well, I spent all Monday changing Hackles curly braces so they don't take up so much space! 3Hackles: Then I spent all of Tuesday changing them back so the code would be more readable! 4Hackles: Then I had to write a script to automatically re-format all the curly braces in every file... 4Boss: (I can't stand programmers.) 99 Boss, Preston, Marcus, Penguin 1Boss: Headquarters wants us to adhere to a dress code. They say it will create a professional atmosphere and improve morale. 3Boss: (I can see morale improving already...) 100 Boss, Hackles 1Hackles: The new dress code isn't fair! You know how much we techies hate ties! 2Boss: What are you talking about? You've always worn a tie, every day! 3Hackles: I thought this was a leash! 101 Hazel, Katrina 1Hazel: Does our new dress code succeed in psychologically reinforcing a professional attitude in the office?... 2Hazel: ...Or does it just create resentment by opposing our natural desire for individuality? What do you think of the dress code, Katrina? 2Katrina: (Wind coming...) 3Katrina: I don't like it. 102 Pete, Percy, Boss, Katrina, Hackles 1Boss: Hey, cute bow ties. You guys look like waiters! 2Katrina: Hehe... Cute bow ties! Are you guys trying out for the Chippendales? 3Hackles: Hey, cute bow ~ 4Boss: Hackles, you know the dress code says you only need to wear one tie... 103 Hackles, Frog 1Hackles: (I shouldn't have come to the company Christmas party so early. No one from my group is here yet. 2Frog: Hey, Hackles old buddy! Good to see you again! 2Hackles: (Uh Oh, who is this guy?) 3Frog: It's been too long since we ... blah, blah, blah, blah! 3Hackles: (What was his name again? Bill? John? This is getting uncomfortable... 4Frog: Well, well, well, looks like we're under some mistletoe! 4Hackles: _...very uncomfortable!_ 104 Hackles, Bat, Hazel, Penguin 1Hackles: ...so I said, that file didn't just delete itself! 1Bat: Hey, where is that bright light coming from? 2Hackles: That? Oh yeah, my group decorated the Christmas tree for this year's party... 2Hackles: ...we finally found a use for all those AOL and .Net CD's! 105 Boss, Preston 1Boss: Preston, you know about the new dress code. Pull up your tie! 2Preston: Fine, I'll do it. But I'm telling you it won't be pretty! 3Boss: That's quite a double chin you 've got there. 3Preston: (Shut up.) 106 Hazel, Boss, Marcus 1Hazel: I hate this dress code! I keep tripping on my skirt and spilling carrot juice on it! 2Boss: Sorry Hazel, I'll need a better reason than that to revoke the dress code. 3Marcus: Y'know, this dress code isn't so bad! How do I look? 3Boss: (I'll revoke it this afternoon.) 107 Marcus, Hazel, Hackles 1Marcus: I'm sick of all the nerds in this office obsessing about the Lord of the Rings movie - it's getting creepy! 2Hazel: Come on Marcus, it can't be that bad! 3Hackles: My precious! 3Hazel: Oh, I see what you mean. 108 Percy, Pete, Katrina 1Label: One ring to rule them all, One ring to find them, 2Label: One ring to bring them all, And in the Darkness bind them. 3Katrina: I know you guys are really into that movie, but it's no reason to replace our network with token ring. 109 Hazel, Penguin 1Hazel: Brrr! I hate going to the server room. The noise, the cold air... 2Hazel: Who can withstand this harsh environment?!? 3Penguin: (?) 110 Marcus, Hackles 1Hackles: Marcus, that press release you wrote for our product is full of misinformation and empty buzzwords! 2Hackles: I even gave you a detailed technical report, with all of the correct, up-to-date information! 3Marcus: Well Hackles, you know Marketing has to translate your technical jargon into language that will appeal to our customers. It's just smart business. 4Marcus: (Plus, I don't understand a single word of this technical mumbo-jumbo...) 111 Hackles, Katrina, Boss 1Hackles: Hey Katrina, we're going to the computer show... wanna come? 2Katrina: Sound fun! I love to go people watching at those events. 3Hackles: Did you mean penguin - watching? 112 Hackles, Boss 1Label: RETRO COMPUTERS 1Hackles: I love seeing all the old technology at this computer show... 2Hackles: Atari, Commodore, ZX Spectrum... Don't those old computers make you reminiscence about the good old days? 4Boss: Maybe it's best to forget about those days. 4Hackles: I think I agree. 113 Hackles, Katrina 1Label: WEASEL COMPUTING 1Label: Owl Press Technical Books 1Katrina: What's that list for, Hackles? 1Hackles: I wrote down all of the hardware I want to buy 2Katrina: Wow, 8 CPUs, 10 SCSI drives, an IR card ... what on earth are you planning to build? 3Hackles: Oh, nothing much... 114 Hackles 1Label: Athlons in Stock 1Label: CHEAP RAM 1Hackles: (I'm going to build the best robot ever!) 2Hackles: Arghh! I left my wallet at the office! Can I buy a computer for less then $10? 3Hackles: A VIC-20?!? 4Hackles: (Well, I may have to downgrade my expectations.) 115 Katrina, thief 1thief: Hey you! How would you like to buy a 1.5 GHz Athlon computer for only $100?! 2Katrina: That sounds too good to be true! 2thief: Believe it! You get 256 MB RAM, DVD & CD-R, and 2-year warranty to boot! 3Katrina: Wow! I'll take it! 3thief: You made a great decis- Whoops, I see a cop! 4Katrina: Somehow, I think he was lying about the 2-year warranty... 116 Boss, Hackles 1Boss: Typical computer show! Aisles and aisles of PC hardware and nothing for the Mac! 2Hackles: Boss, you have and _iMac_. Can you even upgrade those things? 3Boss: Sorry, my left ear must be going deaf... Say, you ready to get out of here? 117 Hackles, Vic 1Hackles: This VIC-20 motherboard will be the brains of my robot. I just need to install it and Vic will be complete! 2Hackles: I know I should use one of those anti-static wrist straps, but hey, who uses those things anyway? 3Noise: YOW! ZAP! 4Hackles: I hope that shock didn't do any permanent damage. 4Vic: Life is pain, life is pain... 118 Hackles, Vic 1Vic: Here I am, a brand new robot. Blessed with razor-sharp logic and lightning-quick computational skills... 2Vic: I can change the world! I can solve the mystery of \pi; I can model biomolecular cures for cancer; I can analyze space signals and discover alien life ... 3Hackles: Um... you realize you only have a VIC-20 for a brain? 3Vic: ... or maybe I can fetch your ties in the morning. 119 Hackles, Penguins 1Magazine: SCI NEWS 1Hackles: Wow, this article says that a strange new type of squid has been discovered! 2Hackles: It lives over 1/2 mile under the ocean and is as tall as a giraffe! Scientists have yet to capture it for study... 3Hackles: For the sake of science, I hope those biologists aren't penguins. 120 Boss, Hazel, Preston 1Preston: $1,500 for a lamp?!? What a rip off! 1Boss: Ha ha, very funny. 2Boss: You know very well it's the new iMac! You guys never get tired of mocking my computer choices, do you? 2Preston: But I really thought it was a lamp! 3Hazel: Hi guys, what's up? Hey- I like these pretty lamps! 121 Hackles, Preston, Boss, Vic 1Hackles: I finally built that robot I was telling you about. His name is Vic. 2Preston: What use could you possibly have for a robot? 2Hackles: Actually, he's more useful than you might think... 3Boss: Hackles is working through lunch again? What a trooper. 3Vic: Almost got you, wumpus! 122 Boss, Vic 1Boss: We need to choose a scripting language to embed in our new application. Any ideas? 1Vic: How about VIC-20 BASIC? 2Boss: That's an odd choice, Hackles. But you are the expert! Why don't you lead the project? 2Vic: Sure thing, Boss! 3Label: 10 PRINT "HELLO" 3Label: 20 GOTO 10 3Vic: done! 123 Marcus, Vic 1Marcus: Hmm... you look different today, Hackles... 1Vic: Really? How do I normally look? 3Marcus: I'm not sure. 124 Boss, Vic 1Boss: Hackles, you've been working so hard lately. I'd like to treat you to a buffet! 1Vic: No thanks, Boss. I don't eat. 2Boss: What? It's not like you to turn down an all-you-can-eat buffet! What's going on? 3Boss: Something is not right here... 3Vic: Oh no! He's going to figure it out... Think fast! 4Vic: Woof? 4Vic: Busted. 125 Preston, Katrina, Hackles, Vic 1Preston: Hackles, your robot is great - he impersonated you perfectly! But aren't you a little worried? 2Preston: You know, in the movies, robots always turn against their masters and try to take over the world. 2Hackles: Oh, I think Vic lacks that kind of ambition... 3TV: CALL NOW! Only $4.95 per minute! 3Vic: Hello, psychic hotline? Will there be anything good on TV tonight? 126 Charlie, Katrina 1Charlie: Hi Katrina? This is Charlie... we met at the Internet cafe yesterday. Do you want to go on a date with me? 2Katrina: Umm, sorry... I can't go out tonight. I'm busy recompiling my Linux kernel. 3Charlie: Wow, that's the coolest brush-off I've ever heard. 127 Preston, Hackles 1Keyboard: Crunch ~ Crunch ~ Crunch! 2Hackles: Preston, why does your keyboard make all those crunching noises? 3Label: CORN CHIPS 3Preston: I don't know 3Hackles: Never mind... 128 Hazel, Hackles, Preston 1Hazel: Oh my! An Olympic figure skating judge was found guilty of corrupt judging! 2Hazel: Hey guys, did you hear about the Olympics scandal? 3Hackles: Yeah! I can't believe they dropped the 802.11 wireless protocol for the Olympics, on grounds that it's insecure! With 128 bit encryption, 802.11 can be just as secure as any CAT5 network! 3Preston: Scandalous! 4Hazel: What? 129 Charlie, Katrina, Preston 1Charlie: Whaddya know? On Valentine's Day, Rob "Cmdr Taco" Malda proposed to his girlfriend on a Slashdot news post, and she said "yes!" 2Charlie: I bet that's the kind of romantic gesture that a high-tech chick like Katrina can't resist! 3Preston: Hey Katrina, did you see Slashdot this morning? 130 Katrina, Hackles 1Slashdot: Katrina Vittles Read This 1Slashdot: Posted by Charlie Chicken from the quivering beak dept. 1Slashdot: Katrina, you've won my heart with your love of Linux, computer savvy, and your style. I know we just met, but I want to spend the rest of my years with you. Will you marry me? 2Katrina: Can you believe the nerve of that chicken? 2Hackles: Did you give him a reply? 3Katrina: You bet! I posted a long message stating exactly how I feel! I told him that I barely know him, and how dare he embarrass me online, in front of thousands of people! 3Hackles: What did he say? 4Katrina: I don't think he saw my reply... It got moderated down below his threshold. 131 Marcus, Katrina 1Marcus: ... so I'll fax you that copy for the web site. 1Katrina: Why do you always want to fax me stuff? I don't have a fax machine! 2Marcus: OK, I'll send you the info in an Excel spreadsheet. 2Katrina: Why?!? It's just text! Just send me an e-mail! 3Marcus: All right, I'll email you an MS Word document. 3Marcus: Marcus, I don't use Windows! Just send me a simple text email! 4Marcus: Fine! I'll send you a PDF file. 4Label: KATRINE VITTLES 4Marcus: (Sometimes, I love this job...) 4Katrina: Gahhhh! 132 Hackles, Marcus, Boss 1Hackles: ...so I think we can finish our project more quickly if we Open Source parts of it. 2Boss: Good idea Hackles. Let's do it! 3Hackles: How could I know you'd get a heart attack at the mention of Open Source? 133 Hackles, doctor 1doctor: How are you feeling, Marcus? 1Marcus: I've been better. 2doctor: You were lucky this time. Just watch your blood pressure, or next time we may need to perform open-- 3Marcus: No! Not Open Source! That's what got me here in the first place! 4doctor: I was going to say Open Heart surgery. 4Marcus: Oh, is that all? 134 Marcus, Dottie 1Marcus: I guess it's not so bad at this hospital. At least they have the Ultra-conservative cable channel... 1TV: Throw the hippies in jail! 2Marcus: And I get a break from all those geeks at work... 2Dottie: Marcus, Dear! Time for your medication! 2Marcus: Wait, that voice! 3Marcus: No! Dottie!! 3Dottie: Honey, you can't turn me off with your remote. 135 Marcus, Dottie 1Marcus: Help! This nurse tried to eat me on a blind date! 1Dottie: Marcus, stop! 2Marcus: Hey, is that your stomach growling!?! 2Dottie: Marcus, please stop worrying! 3Dottie: I would never hurt a patient! When I'm on duty, I act 100% professionally. 3Dottie: (Good thing I get off from work in 30 minutes...) 136 Marcus, Dottie, Hackles, Preston, Percy 1Marcus: So, you can't eat me while you're working, eh, Dottie? 1Dottie: Um, sure. 1Marcus: Then get over here and fluff my pillow. It's uncomfortable! 2Marcus: And while you're at it, I demand better cheese in my meals! 2Dottie: (Marcus looks so...delicious...can't resist...) 2Dottie: (Must eat mouse...) 3Preston: If you're busy, we can come back later. 3Dottie: Um, heh heh. 137 Marcus, Hackles, Pete, Preston, Percy, Dottie 1Marcus: That was Dottie! She tried to eat me! 1Hackles: Never mind that -- Guess what we did? 2Hackles: We hacked the hospital database to get you better food! I social engineered the password, Percy and Pete tapped into the network, and Preston entered the data. 3Marcus: So, you geeks are finally doing something useful with you skills... 3Dottie: Sorry I tried to eat you, Marcus! Here's your food. 4Marcus: Apples?! Corn?! I eat cheese!! 4Hackles: Preston... 4Preston: What? I'll take that if you don't want it. 138 Marcus, Katrina 1Marcus: It's good to be back! Here are the Web site specs. 1Katrina: It's good to see you recovered from your heart attack, Marcus. 2Katrina: You want an obnoxious, 10 minute long Flash intro before the user can access our main page? 2Marcus: Just do it! 3Marcus: It feels great to be a useful member of this company again! 3Label: KATRINA VITTLES 139 Hazel, Hackles 1Hazel: Hackles, could you help me search this file in UNIX? 2Hackles: Sure, just do a regexp search for caret, bracket, capital A, dash, blah, blah, blah... 2Hazel: ^[A... 3Hackles: Um...did you understand any of that? 3Hazel: Sorry, I was thinking about carrots. 140 Preston, Hackles 1Preston: I can't get our mail client to connect to our server. 1Hackles: You should ask the penguins for help. 2Preston: Are you sure? The penguins never help me with anything! 2Hackles: You just have to be persistent. 3Preston: Well... OK, I'll ask them. 3Hackles: Good luck. 4Narrator: Later... 4Label: RTFM 4Preston: You knew this would happen, didn't you? 141 Hackles, Vic 1TV_Robot1: My digital eye - it's malfunctioning! 1TV_Robot2: No Robot Boy, those are tears. It looks like you are finally developing human emotions. 1TV_Robot1: I...I can't believe it! 2Vic: Why do all these TV shows depict "becoming human" as the ultimate goal of robots? I'm proud to be a robot! Why would I want to be more human? 3Hackles: You've got a point there, Vic. Well, I'm turning in... 4Vic: What the heck is a human, anyway? 142 Hackles, Katrina, Preston 1Hackles: Will you pay attention? What are you doing? 1Preston: Sorry, but this Digikatz game is addictive. 2Hackles: Isn't that game for little kids? Give it to me and pay attention! 2Preston: Don't knock it until you try it! 3Label: 7 hours later... 3Hackles: Must catch... all the... Digikatz... 143 Boss, Hackles, Preston 1Boss: Gentlemen, we have to stick to a tight schedule if we want to complete the product on time. 2Boss: Put this in your Palm Pilots: Demo complete by April! Beta complete by June! It won't be easy, but... 3Boss: Those aren't your Palm Pilots, are they? 3Hackles: Just one sec, Boss. 3Preston: I caught a Digikat! 144 bird, cat, dog, Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: The time has come for me to enter the local Digikatz tournament. 1Preston: Are you sure? The competition will be tough! 2Hackles: Not to worry! I wrote an optimization algorithm for planning the most efficient pattern of Digikatz collecting! 2Preston: Impressive! 3Dog: Yes! I win again! 3Hackles: Optimization algorithm, why have you failed me? 3Cat: Whee! 145 Amiga, Linux server, Vic, Windows box 1Amiga: Welcome to Hackles' computer room Vic. I am the Linux server here. 1Vic: Pleased to meet you. 2Vic: Gee, an Amiga! How are you? 2Amiga: Hola, amigo! 2Windows_box: HEY LOSER! 3Windows_box: EITHER SPEAK IN NETBEUI OR QUIT YOUR YAPPING! 3Vic: And you must be the Windows box. 3Windows_box: WELL, YEAH! 146 Vic, Windows box 1Windows_box: YOU ARE NOTHING BUT A PRIMITIVE MACHINE RUNNING AN 8 BIT OS! 2Windows_box: I AM A POWERFUL COMPUTER RUNNING A SOPHISTICATED, MULTITASKING ENVIRONMENT - MICROSOFT WINDOWS! 3Vic: I have an uptime of 3 days. How about you? 3Windows_box: NEVER MIND THAT! 147 Hackles, Hazel 1Hackles: You need to pick a password to log into the system. 1Hazel: OK, how about "carrots"? 2Hackles: No, no! That's too obvious. I wrote a program that generates a suitable password, with sufficient length and randomness. 3Hackles: Remember, never write down your password! 3Hazel: "xAp3Qz!m0kj&2+a"?!? 148 Hazel, Percy 1Hazel: Here's the big box of paper clips you ordered, Percy. 2Hazel: I have to wonder what you need all of them for. 4Hazel: Ah, those reset buttons are pretty tiny! 149 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: Hey Preston, what's with the fancy outfit? 1Preston: It's my new look! 2Preston: After watching "The Matrix", I realized that you have to dress cool to be l33t hacker! 3Hackles: You can't even see the screen through those sunglasses, can you? 3Preston: It's a small price to pay to be cool! 150 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: What's this sissy music you're listening to? 1Hackles: Um...Steely Dan. 2Preston: Ha! If you want to be a cool h4x0r like me, you need to listen to techno! Here's the newest album from Swinewerk. 3Preston: Actually, their old stuff is better... 151 Boss, Preston 1Boss: Preston, our competitors are releasing their product in two months. We need to speed up our development! 2Preston: I'll do you one, Boss. I will hack into our competitor's mainframe and delete their source tree! 3Boss: OK, first, that's illegal and unethical. Second, you don't really know how to hack someone, do you? 152 Boss, Preston 1Boss: I just received a formal complaint from RatCo. Someone here has been trying to "hack" into their server. I know it was you! 1Preston: Uh Oh. 2Preston: How could they have detected me? I hack like a ninja -- quietly, leaving without a trace. 3Boss: According to their security logs, you tried to log into their FTP server 80,000 times, trying random usernames and passwords! 3Preston: Hacking is hard... 153 Preston, Hackles, Katrina, Percy, Pete, Boss, beaver 1Preston: OK folks, this is a rave. If you've seen the Matrix, you know this is where cool hackers hang out! 1Hackles: Are you sure? 2Preston: Of course! This place is crawling with hackers, coders, and crackers! 2Hackles: Cool! 3Hackles: So... which Linux distro do you prefer? 3Beaver: Get lost, geek. 154 Preston, Hackles 1Preston: Ugh, only two hours of sleep last night. I don't know about these raves... 2Hackles: Listen, Preston. I'm sick of trying to live up to the image of a "cool hacker". No stereotype can actually describe a geek. We're just normal people! 3Preston: So... are we still playing Dungeons & Dragons at my house tonight? 3Hackles: Of course! 155 Preston, Vic 1Preston: Rats! Another stack overflow error. I'm gonna make this program work if it's the last thing I do! 2Vic: Literally speaking, that statement is quite amusing. You're saying that you'll fix the recursion error on the _condition_ that it is the last thing you do, thus paradoxically making a recursive reference! 3Vic: I like to make people think! 3Preston: I don't like robots... 156 Bob, Katrina 1Boss: ...And the CPU is sort of like the computer's "brain." 1Katrina: I know what a CPU is! You don't have to dump things down for me because I'm female! 2Bob: Actually Miss, that's not it. I'm dumbing things down for you because I remembered that you are a web designer. 3Bob: Aiee! 3Katrina: Mreow! 4Bob: Ouch. 4cat: Hey Daddy-O, does Dreamweaver run in this thing? 157 Boss, Hackles, panda 1Boss: Hackles, as you know, we flew in some cheap programmers to help us finish the project. Since our budget is low, I'm afraid you'll have to share your cubicle. 1Hackles: Rats. 2Hackles: I liked having my own cubicle! I hope whoever is in there won't be obtrusive. I'm afraid to look... 3panda: I thought this ethernet cable was bamboo! Sorry. 158 crocodile, Katrina, panda, Hackles, Preston, beaver 1crocodile: G'day Miss! I'll be your cubicle mate. 1Katrina: Um, hi. I'm going to lunch now. Bye. 1crocodile: Mmm lunch. 2panda: I'm sorry! Do we have another keyboard? 2Hackles: Preston, is your new cubicle mate driving you crazy too? 3Preston: Actually, I haven't seen him all day! 159 crocodile, Katrina 1crocodile: Yeah Fred, I got this cushy job doing -- what do they call it -- programming? 1Katrina: Ugh! This bozo and his speaker phone are driving me crazy! 2crocodile: Well buddy, it's been fun, but I gotta go grab some lunch! 2Katrina: It can't possibly get worse than this! 3Katrina: Did it just get worse? 160 Katrina, Boss, Hackles, beaver, panda, crocodile, Preston 1Katrina: These new programmers are terrible! The crocodile doesn't do any work and keeps drooling on me. 1Hackles: The panda ate my mouse again. 2Boss: OK, OK. It's obvious these guys are not helping us. I'm sending the troublemakers back on a plane, first thing tomorrow. 2beaver: Hooray! 3Preston: Who the heck are you guys? 161 Hackles, Marcus 1Marcus: What are you looking at? 1Hackles: Webcomics! There are literally thousands of them on the Internet 2Hackles: They cover every genre and style imaginable from geek and gaming cartoons to cutting edge "alternative" comics. 2Hackles: These cartoons put many hours of hard work into each strip, and usually offer them to the public _for free_! 3Marcus: For free?!? These cartoonists must be a bunch of hippies! Webcomics are a load of crap! 3Hackles: Um... 4Marcus: Are there ultraconservative comics out there? 4Hackles: Well, I haven't seen any yet, but -- 4Marcus: They're crap I tell you! 162 Hazel, Penguin 1Hazel: Criminals beware. Spider rabbit is patrolling the city... 2Hazel: Swinging across -- whoops, my leg! 3Hazel: Gah! Stupid web shooter! 4Hazel: I've got to stop sleepwalking. 4Penguin: Quork? 163 Katrina, Hazel, Marcus 1Katrina: Look! Vic made me this cool Spider-Man web shooter. 1Hazel: Cool! 2Hazel: Have you tried it yet? Does it really work? 3Katrina: Oh, I'd say it's made my life a little easier. 164 Katrina, Preston, Hazel 1Katrina: It's time to use my new Spidey web shooter! 3Preston: Hey, where;s my soda?! 3Katrina: It's like a real-life version of wget! 3Hazel: Ew, but this one comes with pig drool. 165 Katrina, Vic, Hazel, spiders 1Katrina: The Spidey web shooter you made is a lot of fun, Vic! But I think it's running low -- can you refill the webs? 2Vic: You don't refill the webs! You just have to feed the spiders in there. 2Hazel: There are spiders in that thing?! 4Katrina: I guess we don't need Spidey powers to stick in the ceiling... 4Vic: How are you guys doing? 4spiders: Hi, Vic! 166 Katrina, Hackles, Preston 1Katrina: So if we use XSLT to transform our XML into HTML and WML, we can increase our ROI... 1Hackles: Or XHTML Basic and CSS when the W3C gets its act together. 2Preston: Yeah, I need to synchronize my XYT with the QSP on my JLTZ! 4Preston: Sorry, I didn't know you guys were talking about real stuff. 167 Hackles, Marcus 1Hackles: This press release you wrote makes ridiculous claims about our product! 2Hackles: It seems to me that marketing's job is to lie as much as possible about technology which is completely beyond your gasp! 3Marcus: Who are you, Dilbert? 168 Hackles, Hackles' cubicle fairy, Marcus' cubicle fairy, Marcus 1Hackles: I've been stuck on this programming problem for hours... What can I do? 2Hackles' cubicle fairy: You need to add code for closing the database connection at line 187. 2Hackles: Oh my gosh! What are you? 3Hackles' cubicle fairy: I'm your cubicle fairy. When you need a burst of inspiration, I'm here to help! Everyone has one. 3Hackles: Everyone? 4Marcus's cubicle fairy: Try adding a few more lies! 4Marcus: Of course! 169 Hackles, Katrina, Marcus' cubicle fairy 1Hackles: I know this sounds crazy, but my cubicle fairy visited yesterday and helped me write some code! 2Hackles: She said everyone here has a cubicle fairy! Is that true? Do you have one of those helpful muses? 2Katrina: Well, I don't know about "helpful"... 3Marcus' cubicle fairy: You call that garbage HTML?! You stink! 3Katrina: Don't you have someone else to bug? 170 Hackles, Preston's cubicle fairy, Preston 1Hackles: It's very strange... everyone here seems to have a cubicle fairy. What about you, Preston? 2Preston: Hmm 2Preston's cubicle fairy: You need to fix a memory leak on line 761! And standardize your variable names! And remove that redundant... 3Preston: Gotcha! 4Preston: I guess she decided I don't need any help. 171 Fairy, Hackles, Hazel 1Fairy: We cubicle fairies gain power from caffeine...If you drink some soda I can help you better! 1Hackles: Um, OK. 2Fairy: Yes! I can feel the power surging through me! 3Fairy: More! Drink more! 3Hackles: I don't like where this is going. 3Hazel: (Who is he talking to?) 172 Fairy, Hackles 1Fairy: I've almost got the answer... just drink a little more caffeine, please. 1Fairy: More! 1Hackles: But I've already drunk so much! 2Hackles: Well, I could really use your help... 2Fairy: Yes! 3Fairy: Now drink more! 3Hackles: You know, the more soda I drink, the more demanding you get... 173 Hazel, Boss, Fairy, Hackles 1Hazel: I'm worried about Hackles! He's been in his cubicle all day, talking to himself and coding like crazy! 2Fairy: Don't forget t deallocate your memory! 2Hackles: OK! OK! Just don't kill me! 3Boss: I think this should be enough ethernet cable to tie him up... before he hurts someone. 174 Hackles, Boss, Fairy 1Boss: Sorry about tying you up, Hackles, but your behavior is starting to scare everyone... 2Fairy: Someone forgot to comment his code! 2Boss: If you promise to calm down, I'll untie you... 3Hackles: GAAHHH!!! He's eating my face!! 3Boss: Maybe I'll just come back tomorrow. 175 Preston, Hackles, Boss 1Preston: Run free, Hackles! You're not crazy -- cubicle fairies do exist! 1Hackles: Sweet freedom! 2Preston: Whoops! 2Hackles: Yikes! 3Narrator: 5 hours later... 3Preston: You know, this isn't so bad... With a little practice you can play NetHack with your snout... 176 Boss, Hackles 1Boss: Hackles, all that caffeine you've been drinking is driving you crazy! I'll untie you, but you must stop drinking soda for two weeks... 2Narrator: 2 weeks later... 2Boss: Congratulations, Hackles! I see you've found something to keep your mind off caffeine. 3Hackles: Yeah, but somehow I don't feel like I've made progress. 177 Hackles, Marcus, Percy, Pete, Katrina 1Hackles, Katrina: It's the Mozilla 1.0 release party! 1Percy, Pete: Quork! 2Marcus: What's the big deal? It sure took them long enough to release a stable version! And sheesh, I don't remember anyone throwing a party when IE 6.0 came out! 3Everyone: Party!!! 3Pete: Quork! 3Label: ICE 178 Boss, Katrina 1Boss: I'm surprised to see you celebrating Mozilla's 1.0 release, Katrina. Aren't you always talking about how much better and faster Opera is? 2Katrina: I still like Opera better, but I like to show my support for such an important and unifying Open Source project. 4Katrina: Plus, this catnip beer is fantastic! 179 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: The server keeps crashing -- I think there's something wrong with it. 1Hackles: Argh! It's because your crappy code is stuck in an infinite loop! 2Preston: Cool! Infinite loops r0xx! 2Preston: We just need to buy a faster server! 2Preston: Yeah! 3Preston: I'm going to write more 1337 loops! 3Preston: Commentated code is for luserz! 3Preston: Wake up!! 3Hackles: ZZZZZ... Mph! Grzz! 4Preston: You were having some crazy nightmare! 4Hackles: Attack of the Clones. 180 Preston, Hackles, Percy, Katrina 1Preston: Wasn't Attack of the Clones awesome? Boba and Jango Fett are so cool! 1Hackles: Yeah! 1Katrina: Yeah, and remember that scene with Yoda? That kicked butt! 2Hackles: And that scene when Jar Jar Binks made his big speech to the Senate -- that was the whole turning point of the movie! 3Hackles: ...and... 4Hackles: Meesa hungry. 181 Hazel, Katrina, Hackles, Preston, Percy, Pete 1Hazel: I started taking some computer classes, but the more I think about being a techie, the more frightened I get. 1Katrina: Why? You have a great mind for computers. 2Hazel: It's not my mind I'm worried about... 2Katrina: ! 182 Vic, Hackles 1Vic: Here Hackles, try this weight-loss collar I made for you. 2Vic: Any time you try to eat, the collar gives you a mild shock! 2Hackles: Wait a minute -- can't I eat anything? 3Vic: Um... You probably shouldn't thinks about food either. 183 Vic, Hackles 1Hackles: Vic, your wight loss collar is brutal, but it works! I've loss weight already... 1Hackles: I'm going to celebrate by watching my favorite Star Wars -- Episode I! 3Vic: Sorry -- The penguins insisted that I add that feature. 184 Preston, Hackles, Penguin, Bearded penguin 1Label: The Official Hackles UNIX Geek Hierarchy! 1Label: Level 1:pig 1337 h4x0r script kiddie 2Label: Level 2:dog knowledgeable user 2Hackles: (Stupid RPM...) 3Label: Level 3:penguin UNIX GURU 3Penguin: Quork 4Label: Level 4:penguin with beard Über UNIX Guru (don't mess!) 4Label: BOFH 185 Weasel, Preston, Hackles 1Weasel: ...and that is why the eWeasel platform is perfect for your software needs... 1Preston: Forget about that -- Do you have any free promotional toys!?! 2Weasel: Well, I'm glad you asked... 2Hackles: No! Don't give him anything! 3Preston: Yay! Whee! eWeasel rules! 3Hackles: (Make it stop...) 186 Hackles, Preston, Marcus, Percy 1Hackles: So my paw slipped and instead of typing "rm -rf *", I typed "rm -rf /*". Luckily, I wasn't logged in as root! 2Hackles: Ha Ha! 2Preston: Man, that was close! Heh. 2Marcus: (These idiots think that's funny?) 2Percy: Quork! 3Marcus: Listen to this story! I just tricked this customer into buying 10x more software than they needed by lying about our features! Haha! 4Marcus: (These dopes wouldn't know funny if it bit them in the butt.) 187 Hackles, Preston, Boss 1Hackles: And here's where the user begins his transaction... 1Preston: That's a terrible design! Give me that pen. 2Preston: Here's where the Boss kicks your butt because your design stinks! 3Hackles: Oh yeah! Well, here's me hitting you with a hammer because your code is filled with bugs! 4Preston: And this is me getting my revenge... 4Boss: I think it was a mistake to send them to that UML seminar. 188 Katrina, Hazel 1Katrina: You know what can be fun? Googling your officemates! 1Hackles: What's "Googling"? 2Katrina: It's when you do a search for someone's name on the Google search engine. For example, let's see if we get any hits with your name. 3Label: Hutchville Daily E-News, HAZEL HOPKINS Arrested for Armed Robbery 4Hazel: Um...that's one of my cousins. 189 Katrina, Hazel, Preston 1Hazel: Let's see if we can find Preston on Google! 1Katrina: That should be interesting. 2Label: The Pigglesworth Family Website, Little Preston 8 years old 3Katrina: Hahaha! 3Katrina: The Internet rules! 3Hazel: He wore a little beanie! 190 Katrina, Hazel, Hackles, Boss, Percy, Pete 1Katrina: Looking up our co-workers on Google is sure turning up some interesting information! 2Narrator: Apparently, Hackles attend a lot of Farscape Conventions...Boss Dog played in a punk band prior to his corporate career. 3Hazel: Ha ha! That's so funny! What about Percy and Pete? 3Katrina: That's where it starts to get bizarre... 4Label: Percy & Pete's MAN PAGE VARIETY SHOW, WEEKLY WEBCAST, RTFM 191 Percy, Pete, Katrina, Hackles 1Label: Percy & Pete's MAN PAGE VARIETY SHOW 1Label: CHMOD (1) 2Narrator: 2 Hours Later... 2Label: LSOF (8) 3Katrina: You're still watching this?! 3Hackles: Quiet! They're going to do fsck next... 192 Katrina, Hazel, Marcus 1Narrator: Katrina and Hazel find an image of Marcus on Google... 1Label: Ultraconservative Mouse Award 2Katrina: I can't believe Marcus was bald! That only can mean... 2Hazel: He wears a toupée! 2Katrina: I have an idea... 3Marcus: Ah, a fresh cup of coffee, no geeks in sight... Nothing can ruin this morning! 193 Hazel, Percy, Pete, Preston 1Katrina: It's funny what you can dig up on Google, eh? How else would I know about that insanely boring Man Page show you guys do! 1Pete: Quork, Quork! 2Katrina: W-What? You two went on Google and found the first website I ever designed?!? 3Preston: Hey Katrina, nice animated GIFs! Too bad your JavaScript keeps crashing the browser! 3Katrina: I was young! 194 Hackles, Preston, Percy, Pete 1Hackles: Omigosh! Today is System Administrator Appreciation Day! We should give the penguins the hug! 1Preston: Let's do it! 2Hackles: We want to show you how much we appreciate your work. 2Preston: Come here, big guy! 3Hackles: Next year, let's just buy them a gift. 3Preston: I didn't know their beaks were so sharp! 195 Marcus, Hackles, Preston 1Marcus: Do we have a name for our new Portal software? I'm going to try selling it today. 2Hackles: What?! We haven't even started developing it! Plus, we're now working on a different project now, so you might as well call it "Vaporware"! 3Label: VAPORWARE = SUCCESS 3Marcus: Our Vaporware Portal is an essential tool for business... 3Marcus: What's that giggling? 196 Hackles, Preston, thief 1Preston: I'm hungry -- let's get some food! 1Hackles: Hold on. I want to finish securing my home network. 2Hackles: All right! I shut off all unnecessary services, configured my tcp wrapper, obfuscated my passwords, and logged all port scans. I'm 100% secure from malicious attackers! 3Narrator: That night... 3Preston: Ironic, eh? 3Label: Back 197 Vic, Hackles, cat 1Vic: Um... hello. 1cat: 100111 00110 011 010111 00 bzt! kill...kill 2Vic: Gah! 2cat: Kill! kill -9 $VIC core dump! seg fault! kill...kill...kill! 3Hackles: So Vic, do robots really dream of electric sheep? 3Vic: Not exactly. 198 Katrina, Hazel 1Katrina: So, I hear you're taking a computer programming night course. 1Hazel: Yup. Here's the pamphlet for my school! 2Label: 1337 h4x0r academy, Get your Degree in 6 moths, scan ports, DOS Flood, Deface websites, Enroll Today! 3Katrina: Let me guess... Preston introduced you to this school, right? 3Hazel: How did you know? 3Hazel: Say, what's a fliz-oppy disk? 199 Hazel, Katrina, Chicken 1Hazel: Hey Katrina, can I borrow some of your O'Reilly computer books? 1Katrina: Sure! They're in my office. 2Hazel: Aieee! 2Chicken: What's that?! 2Katrina: I think I know. 3Katrina: Sorry Hazel! I forgot about this one... 200 Marcus, Hazel 1Marcus: Forget those stupid computer classes you're taking! You don't want to be a geek, you want to go to Die Fleder Mouse School of Economics and become a powerful executive like me! 3Marcus: Ah, perfection! 3Katrina: I'll have to get back to you on this. 201 Hackles,Hazel,spider 1Hackles: So how is your night class going? 1Hazel: Not so great. I'm having trouble concentration on hwat my teacher says 2Hackles: Don't worry - All those new computer terms can be overwhelming at first, butyou'll get the hang of it. 2Hazel: That's not quite the problem... 3spider: Today, we'll cover Web design strategies. 3spider: Um, something wrong? 202 Hazel, goat 1label: OLD GOAT CAFE 1Hazel: I need a nice,quite plate to study. Hmm...that cafe looks good. 2Hazel: Do you server carrot capuccino? 2goat: We don't have any newfangled foo-foo drinks! We drink sasparilla here! 2goat: What's that computer book you're reading? Java?!? 3goat: You kids have it easy with your sissy highfalutin programming languages! In my day we had to enter 0's and 1's on punch cards and then feed them through giant, whirring... 3Hazel: help. 203 Hazel,PC,FBI 1Hazel: Just one more homework assignment to go. "Hack into a govenment agency and deface their website." 1Hazel: Well, this is a strange school! 2PC: Department of U.S.Secrets 2PC: >Invalid Password! 2PC: Break in attempt detected... 2PC: Your IP address has been logged. 2Hazel: Rats! This is tough. 3Hazel: Oh well, I'm getting tired. I'll try again in the morning... 3FBI: Knock,Knock 3FBI: Open up! This is the F.B.I.! 204 Bruiser,FBI,Hazel 1FBI: We're from the F.B.I. Hazel Hopkins, you are being charged with hacking into the U.S. Department of Secrets! 2Hazel: But... but I was just doing my homework! You wouldn't arrest me for that, right? 3Bruiser: They call me "Bruiser". 3Hazel: I'm seriously considering changing my major... 205 Bruiser,Katrina,Hackles,guard dog 1Katrina: What?!? Hazel was arrested last night for illegal hacking! She can't survive in jail... those tough prisoners will tear her apart! 1Hackles: We've got to visit her! 2Katrina: We're looking for our friend, Hazel Hopkins. 3Hackles: Ha! Gotcha! 3Bruiser: Where did you get that rocket launcher? 4Hackles: Prison looks a lot scarier on TV. 206 Boss,Hazel,Marcus 1Hazel: I hope everyone here doesn't think i'm some kind of criminal just because I was in prison. 2Boss: Don't be ridiculous, Hazel! The F.B.I. knows it's your school's fault, and no one here blames you. 2Hazel: Then who chained my computer to my desk? 3Boss: Marcus, I'd like a word with you. 3Marcus: I don't trust felons! 207 Hackles,Preston,hacker 1hacker: Yes, the government has shut down 1337 hax0r Academy... 2hacker: But they can't ownz the spirit upon which we were founded. Hax0ring will live on in each and every one of j00! 3Hackles: Can you believe this ridiculous speech? 208 Hackles,Preston,squirrel,cat 1squirrel: I coded the low-level part of our application in assembly language to speed up execution! 1Preston: Hmm... 2Hackles: Our application is running a little slow... 2Preston: Why don't we code the low-level part in assembly language to speed up execution?! 3Hackles: Hey,that's not a bad idea,Preston! I'll let you handle that project. 4label: book - assembly lang 4Preston: I am such an idiot! 209 Hackles,Preston,TV 1Preston: Man, I'm beat. What a rough night. 1Hackles: Yeah, I understand. I was up until 3AM trying to finish our project. 2Narrator: Last night,3AM 2TV: Now we return to the 12 hour "Who's the Boss" marathon! 2Preston: ....... 3Preston: Yeah um... me too. 210 Boss,Hackles,Katrina,Marcus,Pete,Percy 1Boss: Good work everyone! We finished the project on time, so now we're all going to Roller Coaster Super Park! 1Pete: Quork! 1Percy: Quork! 1Hackles: Yay! 1Katrina: Meow! 1Marcus: Wait! I thought we were going to the Ronald Reagan Museum! 1Marcus: I hate roller coasters! 2Hackles: This is even more fun than I imagined! 2Marcus: Gahhh! 211 Hackles,Katrina,Preston 1Hackles: Mmm...I smell fried dough! 1Preston: What? You're gonna eat more?! 2Hackles: I can't help it. I'm addicted to carnival food! 2Katrina: You're going to make yourself sick! 2Preston: Ha! What a pig! 3Narrator: Later... 3label: The VOMITRON! the most stomach wrenching ride 3Preston: Yay! 3Hackles: *Urp* I think I can make it. 3Katrina: Please don't sit next to me... 212 Hackles,Preston,Percy 1Percy: Quork! 1Hackles: Look, Pete wants us to see something at the Go-Karts. 2Preston: Wow! This race is going to rule! 2Hackles: I've never seen Percy look so intense... 3Narrator: On your marks, get set ... 213 Boss,Hackles 1Boss: So tell me how Percy's Go Kart race went. 1Hackles: It started off well... 2Hackles: Until the blowfish showed up... 2Boss: ? 3Hackles: And Percy tried to eat him. 3Boss: ! 214 Hackles,Katrina, Vic 1Hackles: I programmed Vic with an adaptive neural net algorithm. He can learn and adapt his manerisms through experience, making him more sophisticated than any other robot. 2Vic: LOL! u h4x0rd me2 ownz teh botz! 4 me 2 poop on! All ur base, IIRC! ;-) ROTFL!!! 3Hackles: Let me guess... You've been hanging out in the chat rooms. 3Vic: WTF?? :D!!! 3Katrina: Very sophisticated! 215 Hackles,Marcus 1Marcus: Why haven't you responded to my emails? 1Hackles: Marcus, I didn't get any email from you recently. 2Hackles: Ah, that's what happened. "Subject: Do this, idiot!!!!" "Subject: Move your tail, moron!!!" All your email subjects have a bunch of exclamation marks, so my SPAM filter thinks they're SPAM and throws them away! 2Marcus: ! 3Marcus: What kind of @#$%^&* SPAM filter are you *^&%#^$@ using?!!! Stupid !@$#%* program!! 3Hackles: I need a mouse filter for my cubicle... 216 Hackles,Preston 1Preston: I just got this great printer from Computers++ for only $60! They gave me free ink! 1Hackles: Preston,return it - Valu Mark is the worst printer you can buy. 2Preston: Nonsense! The salesman said the printer can do 16 dots per inch, which is more than...oops! 3Preston: I think this page came out pretty well! 3Hackles: Everyday, I hate you a little more. 217 Katrina,Marcus,dreamdog 1Marcus: You should put more XML in our website. 1Katrina: Marcus, do you even know what XML is? 2Marcus: No, but according to my marketing magazine, "XML is the new sexy technology to watch for." 2Marcus: Sexy sells, you know! 3Katrina: You're right! People will go crazy about our website. All I have to do is use more XML! 3Katrina's dream: Yowsa! XML!! 3Katrina's dream: Did you check out BitCo's new website? Hubba-hubaa! 4Marcus: I'm glad we see eye-to-eye on this. 4Katrina: I was being sarcastic! 218 Hackles,Hazel,Preston,Pete, skunk 1Hazel: Phew! I could smell that microwave popcorn from a mile away! 1Hackles: Yeah, isn't it great? 2Hazel: Gah,what kind of cologne are you wearing? 2Preston: Eau de swine - do you like it? 3Hazel: I think I'm gonna faint. Only one thing could make this office smell any worse... 4Hazel: ...microwaved fish ramen! 219 Marcus,Preston,PC 1Marcus: What are you doing on your computer? That doesn't look like work! 1Preston: Don't get your tail in a knot. I'm just ordering some books! 2PC: Thank you for your order. Based on your selection, we alsa recommend: Corn Jugglifor Agoraphobics, The Art of Swill, The Ninja's Guide to Apple Smuggling, A Tale of Two Piggies. 3Marcus: What the heck did you just order, you pervert? 220 Boss, Benji, Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: Hi Benji, I heard you got laid off. I'm so sorry. How are you holding up? 1Benji: "Don't worry about me, Hackles!" 2Benji: BitCo gave me a 12 month severance package! 2Benji: I'm on a spelunking vacation in the caves of Africa, having a blast! Have fun at work! 3Boss: Sorry Hackles, but due to the layoffs, your workload just doubled. 3Hackles: lucky bat... 3Preston: Um, I think I deleted our source code tree by mistake. 221 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: BitCo is going to start another round of layoffs, I just know it! No one is safe,especially me! 2Preston: Face it - this company has never liked pigs! I just know they're itching to get rid of me, because I'm a pig! 2Hackles: Preston, the CEO of BitCo is a pig! 3Preston: We have a CEO? 222 Hazel, Katrina, Preston 1Hazel: Ever wonder if there's a higher purpose to life then our jobs? How can we reach fulfillment when we spend most of our lives in a cubicle 1Katrina: Yeah... 2Preston: Emergency! I just heard that BitCo is going to lay some of us off! We could lose our jobs! 3Hazel: Wait - I don't want to lose my job! 3Preston: Is it always this hot outside? 3Katrina: I like my cubicle! 223 Boss, Mr.Swine, Preston 1Boss: Yes it's true, Preston. With the economy the way it is, Headquarters might lay off some of us. I told them we can't afford to lose any employees, but it's not my decision. 2Preston: This is driving me crazy! I'm going to talk to our CEO 2Boss: No! He's really mean! 2Preston: Relax! He's a pig, right? We pigs look out for each other. 3Narrator: Meanwhile, at BitCo's HogTech division... 3label: CEO, HogTech 3Mr.Swine: You're all fired. 224 Mr.Swine, Preston, receptionist 1Preston: Tell him it's urgent! 1receptionist: Mr.Swine, an employee from the local branch is here to see you. 2Preston: Mr.Swine, you can't lay off BitCo's employees. We make the cutting edge Java whatchamacallits, Web doohickeys, and technological thingamajigs that the world needs! 3Mr.Swine: You sir, are an idiot! And, you're FIRED. What's your name? 4Preston: Er...Marcus...Marcus Mouse. 225 Boss, Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: Preston, you need to initialize your variables. 1Preston: Never mind that! We have to hide! I accidently made our CEO angry, and he's coming here to fire everyone! 2Hackles: Oh my gosh! Why are you wearing that ridiculous wig?! 2Preston: I don't want Mr.Swine to recognize me! I don't think he likes me. 3Preston: I'm going to look for an air duct to hide in. 3Boss: Honey, what are you doing here? 4Boss: I find your resemblance to my wife very,very disturbing... 4Preston: She must be hot stuff. 226 Hazel, Katrina, Mr.Swine, 4 body doubles 1Katrina: I can't believe our CEO is going to come here and fire us! 1Hazel: Don't worry - when I was in the slammer, I made some connections which might be helpful... 2Narrator: Later 2label: BitCo 2Mr.Swine: OK you pathetic losers! You're all fire... 3body double: Preston 3body double: Katrina 3body double: Pete 3body double: Hackles 3Mr.Swine: ...er, just kidding! Just kidding!! 227 Hackles, Katrina, Peter, Percy, Preston 1Preston: Rats! I don't have permission to read this file. I'm really getting sick of this! 1Katrina: Why don't you ask the penguins for the root password? 1Preston: I will! 2Hackles: You realize the penguins are not going to like that. 2Katrina: Of course! Relax, it'll be funny. 3Preston: Hey guys, give me the root passwor - 4Preston: Gahh! My eyes! No! Aieeeeee!!! 4Hackles: Gasp! 4Katrina: This is not as funny as I thought it would be... 228 Katrina, Marcus 1Katrina: -- Munch Munch mouse snax 1Marcus: I want you to design more flashing pop-up ads for our new product... 2Marcus: Make 'em so the user can't close the - Will you stop eating that barbaric snack!? It's very distracting! 3Katrina: -- Crunch Crunch mouse snax 3Katrina: Why didn't I think of this before? 3Marcus: Gah!!! 229 Hackles,Flipper,PC 1Flipper: And your total comes to...drat! The computer froze again! 1Hackles: No wonder! It looks like you're using Windows 3.11 ... 2label: FlipperMart 2Hackles: I happen to have a Redhat Linux CD - Let me install it on your machine.. You'll love it! 2Flipper: Go ahead. I'll try anything at this point... 3label: FlipperMart 3Hackles: Have fun with your new Linux box! 3PC: pty:256 Unix98 ptys config 3PC: block: queued sectors max 3PC: RAMDISK driver initialized 3PC: Uniforms Multi-Platform E-ID 3Flipper: help. 230 Hackles,Katrina 1Katrina: What's that on your wall? 1Hackles: It's painting I made. I decided I needed a hobby besides computers. 2Hackles: I call it "Afterstep Desktop in Blue". 3Katrina: I think you need to go outside once in a while. 231 Hackles, Peter, PC 1Hackles: You made your own Linux distro? I've got to try it 1Peter: Quork 2Hackles: The install was simple. Everythong looks good! Now to fire up emacs and get some work done. 2PC: Welcome to Percy Pete Linux 2PC: Login: Hackles 2PC: Password: 2PC: $ emacs 3PC: Illegal Command!! The system is going down for system halt NOW!! 3PC: INIT: Switching to runlevel: 0 3Hackles: I don't like this distro. 232 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Marcus, Percy, Preston 1Boss: Good news guys! I cleared out the old storage room and turned it into a rec room. 1Boss: I hope it will help you guys relax and have some fun. 2Hackles: This is an odd game. It's like a physical emulation of Pong, or maybe Arkanoid. 2Preston: I was thinking Breakout. 2Hackles: Good point. 3Marcus: It's called ping pong, you stupid @#!&#! geeks! 233 Boss,Hackles,Hazel,Katrina,Marcus,Preston 1label: Hallowwen 1Hazel: Katrina, are you sure you're not adding too much Catnip Tonic to the punch? 1Katrina: You can never have to much Catnip Tonic! 2Boss: La,La,La! 2Marcus: La,La,La! 2Hackles: La,La,La! 3Preston: Behold! I am the Blue Screen of Death! 3Katrina: I take that back. 234 Boss,Hackles,Hazel,Preston,Vic 1Hackles: Preston and I think we should get an arcade machine for the rec room. 1Preston: Yeah! I want to play Galaga! No, wait, Mortal Kombat! 2Boss: Sorry guys, it's not in the budget right now...you'll have to think of something else. 2Preston: No wait, Q bert! 2Hackles: Hmm... 3label: REC ROOM 3Hackles: Yeah! I got an extra man! 3Vic: I feel so used. 3Hazel: Cool. 235 Katrina,Marcus 1Marcus: Darts, eh? Now that's adding some class to this rec room. 1Marcus: You know, I played some darts in college. 2Katrina: Well, why don't you give it a shot, Marcus? 2Katrina: We've put up three targets to choose from. 3Marcus: I don't know what's more upsetting: that my two favorite companies are targets, or that my picture has all the holes in it. (MS,AOL,Marcus) 236 Hackles,Katrina,Preston 1Hackles: Man, am I tired! I couldn't stop playing Tetris last night. 1Preston: Yeah, I've been there. Have you ever... 2Preston: ...played so much Tetris that you see those blocks everywhere? Like in your dreams, and in patterns on the wall? 3Hackles: Yes. 237 Boss,Hackles 1Hackles: Hey Boss. Check out this desktop theme. I made it myself! 1Boss: Whoa, that's the ugliest,chunkiest theme I've ever seen. 2Hackles: Well, unlike you Mac people, we Unix geeks prefer substance over style. We value clarity of information, not fancy desktop widgets. 3Boss: Or maybe you Unix geeks just stink at art! 3Hackles: There's that too... 238 Boss,Marcus,Pete,Percy 1Marcus: Can you believe it? Those lazy penguins are slepping on the job! 2Boss: Mascus, Percy and Pete worked all night fixing our network outage. This is the first sleep they've gotten in 36 hours! 2Marcus: Uh oh... 3Marcus: Maybe I shouldn't have used permanent market. 3Pete: ZZZ 3Percy: ZZZ 239 Hackles, Preston 1Preston: The doctor said I need to lose some weight... so I decided to get my exercise with this new dance game! 1Hackles: Cool idea. 2Preston: Grunt... Huff... Puff... 3Preston: Gasp! Exercise stinks! 3Hackles: You're telling me... 240 Boss,Percy,Pete,PC 1Boss: Guys, I think we may need to block certain web sites on the firewall. Can you bring up a log of "illicit" addresses that exployees have accessed? 2PC: www.hot-dogs.com www.bone-o-rama.com 2Pete: Quork? 2Boss: Erm... Um... 3Boss: Those are cooking sites! Cooking sites, I swear! 241 Boss, Preston 1Preston: I hear that you want to limit our web surfing at work. Don't you realize that using the Internet is vital to our productivity? 2Preston: Much of our surfing results in new knowledge and tools that help us with our work. Your policy will only hurt this company! 3Boss: Your argument would be better if you didn't have "sexyswine.com" on your screen the whole time. 3Preston: Oops! 242 Katrina, Preston 1Preston: I wrote this "boss button" program, for when the Boss walks in and you want to hide your web surfing... 2label: At the touch of a button, all these window pop up that look like legitimate work (boring stuff,input,work,work,blah,blah,...) 3Katrina: You don't even know what legitimate work looks like, do you? 243 Pete,Percy,Preston 1Preston: Here you go, two Guinesses and a platter of fish for my two favorite sys admins! 2Preston: Now that we're such good pals, can you tell me the secret of how to be a great h4x0r, and break into computers, and take over networks? 3Preston: Ugh! Next time, I'll buy them corn instead. 244 Percy,Pete,Hackles,Hazel,rabbits 1label: HACKLES - thanksgiving traditions 2Narrator: Being thankful for the things we have 2Hackles: Thank you, Free Software Foundation, for the GCC compiler... 3Narrator: Gathering with family and friends 3Hazel: Do you want a piece, cousin Arnold? 3rabbit: That's Eddie! 3Hazel: Um, right. 4Narrator: And of cource, the stuffed birds 4Pete: ZZZ... 4Percy: GZK...ZZZ 245 Hackles,Preston 1label: Big Buy 1Preston: Yeah, we don't need a faceless corporation monopolizing our town! 1Hackles: This consumer electronics mega-store is going to put all the locally owned computer shops out of business! 2Hackles: Geez,look at all... these.. DVDs... 2Preston: And TVs...and...games... 3Hackles: Wow,a GPS - enabled walkie talkie! 3Preston: Yay,it's the new SwineBox 3000 console! 4label: Big Buy 4Preston: Why did we hate this store again? 4Hackles: I forget. 246 Katrina,Hazel, turtle,goat,owl 1Katrina: Did you ever notice how hard it is to find a decent, attractive guy around here? 2Hazel: Well...it would help if we found a new place to hang out. 2Katrina: But I love this place! 2turtle: No No No Forthan is much more powerful than COBOL! 2owl: But I found an interesting article on Gopher...or was it Archie? 2goat: You two are both crazy! Back in my day, punchcards were... 247 Hackles, Hazel, Percy 1Hackles: So when I started getting NFS errors, I was like "What the fsck?" 1Hazel: Hackles! 2Hackles: It's not what you think! fsck is a UNIX utility. We geeks sometimes use it jokingly as an expletive. 2Hackles: I wasn't really swearing. 2Hazel: ? 3Hazel: I think I get it... that was @$!&* funny! 3Hackles: Whoa! 3Percy: Gasp! 4Hazel: What? I'm just trying to fit in!!! 248 Mortimer, Preston 1Mortimer: Hi Uncle Preston! It's me, Mortimer! I want to visit so I can learn to be a great programmer, like you! 1Preston: Sure thing, buddy. 2Mortimer: So what do you think about procedural vs. object oriented programming? Do you use CASE tools or UML? Is paired programming really an efficient alternative? 2Preston: Well, I err... 3Mortimer: Are you sure I can become a great hacker just by watching the Matrix? 3Preston: Yes. 249 Mortimer, Preston 1Mortimer: Thanks for promising to fix my computer, Uncle Preston! 1Preston: Uh, sure Mortimer. 1Preston: Crap! It's one of those iMacs. 2Preston: I've never touched one of these things, and now I'm making a huge mess!. 2Preston: What am I going to do? Mort looks up to me! 3Preston: Here, I um, fixed your computer and made it more portable. 3Mortimer: That looks like a gameboy! 3Preston: No it doesn't. 250 Boss,Mortimer,Preston,Pete,Percy 1Preston: I'd like to introduce everyone to my nephew, Mortimer. 2Preston: This is my Boss... 2Boss: Hi there, little guy! Pleased to meet you. 3Preston: These are the penguins - they're 1337! 3Pete: - Quork 4Preston: So how do you like BitCo? Maybe someday, you could work here. 4Mortimer: Another 200 pounds and I'll fit right in! 251 Hackles,Mortimer 1Mortimer: Hi Mr.Dog, whatcha doing? 1Hackles: Oh hi! You must be Preston's cousin, Mortimer. 2Hackles: I'm writing a Java program. 2Mortimer: Oh yeah, Java! That's the same as JavaScript, right? 3Hackles: Curse you, America educational system! Curse you! 3Mortimer: ? 252 Hazel,Mortimer,Preston 1Preston: Next, I want you to meet Hazel Hopkins. She -- 1Mortimer: THE Hazel Hopkins?!? She works here? 2Mortimer: SHe's my hero! She hacked into a top-secret government network, using only her skills and an x-term! Ever since she got out of prison, I've been dying to meet this hacker legent!! 2Preston: Um, OK. 3Mortimer: Somehow, I always thought this moment would be more exciting. 3Hazel: ZZZ...snrk glx... ZZZ... 253 Hackles, Mortimer,babydog,babyrabbit,babytux 1Mortimer: Bye Uncle Preston! 1Preston: Hove a good trip home,Squirt! Don't forget to instant message... 2Hackles: So, how did Mortimer enjoy his visit? 2Preston: He loved it! The kid really worships my hacker skills. 2Preston: He's probably bragging to all his friends about his "cool" uncle! 3Mortimer: I actually met Hazel Hopkins! She's so 133t! 3babydog: Wow! 3babyrabbit: I heard she can hack anything... in her sleep! 254 Hackles,Hackles's Mom 1Hackles's Mom: Merry Christmas, Son! I told the salesman that you are a programmer, and he said you would like this gift. Enjoy! Love, Mom 2Hackles: Omigosh! Visual FoxPro?!? What am I going to do with this? I don't ever run Windows! 2Hackles: But I can't tell my mom I don't like her gift. 3Narrator: Later... 3Hackles: Hi Mom ... Yes, I love your gift. It really brings my prigramming to a whole new level! 3label: Visual FoxPro 255 Katrina, Mortimer, Preston 1Mortimer: Thanks for the cool Christmas gift, Uncle Preston! 1Preston: Sure thing buddy! 2Katrina: So what did you get gor your little nephew? 2Preston: I sent him a CD with the latest Linux kernel, complete GNU utilities, and Mozilla browser! 3Katrina: Preston, you gave him a bunch of stuff he could download for free! 3Preston: It's the thought tht counts! 256 Katrina, Hazel, Vic 1Hazel: What are you doing with that webcam, Katrina? 1Katrina: It's an Xmas tradition. Every year I set up a webcam to catch Santa Claus in my house. 2Hazel: Weird... Have you seen him yet? 2Katrina: Not yet...but one day I will - 2Katrina: Omigosh! I think I see something. 3Hazel: Vic?!? 3Katrina: Vic?!? 3Vic: Cookies? 3Vic: I have no use for these. 257 Katrina,Hazel,Vic 1Katrina: Wow, Vic is dressed up as Santa! And he gave me the wireless router I wanted for Christmas! 1Hazel: We should do something nice for him. 2Vic: Ah, that was a fun night, but it's good to be back home... Hey,what's this? 3Vic: From: Katrina & Hazel. We know what you did Xmas night! XOX 3Vic: Wow,it's a 20KB memory upgrade! But how did they get this here? 4Hazel: Someone will see us soon and rescue us... right? 4Katrina: Eventually, we'll lose enought weight to wiggle out. 258 Katrina,Hackles,Marcus,Pete,Percy 1Marcus: So, by roping our customers into a forced upgrade cycle,we can show a steady profit for years to come. 2Marcus: Wow,whis is the best meeting ever! I've never seen them so attentive and respectful.. 3Marcus: I'm glad you geeks are finnaly getting your priorities straight! 259 Hackles,Hazel,Preston 1Hackles: The Two Towers was great...but that Gollum really creeped me out! 1Preston: Yeah; he sent shivers up my - YIKES! 2Hackles: Run away! 2Preston: It's... It's... Gollum!! 3Hazel: I guess these new glasses just aren't very flattering. 260 Katrina,Hackles,Hazel,Marcus,Preston 1Hackles: For New Year's, I resolve to spend more time outdoors, away from my computer 1Hackles: ...And start coding perl in strict mode 1Katrina: I resolve to start using the XHTML standard for my web pages. 2Preston: I resolve to read the man page before bugging the penguins with questions. 2Percy: Quork! 3Marcus: I resolve to use my shadowy marketing skills to dominate the market and force BitCo. software upon the unsuspecting public. I will leave our competitors crushed, bankrupt, and cowering in fear of us! 4Marcus: What? It's not my fault your resolutions are all lame. 261 Bob, Hackles 1Hackles: I decided to buy my computer equipment here instead of Big Buy - I believe in supporting my local computer shop. 1Bob: Delightful. 2Hackles: So, what scanners do you sell here? 2Bob: None. Come back in 6 weeks - we might get a shipment then... or not. 3Hackles: Um, OK. How about video cards? Do you have the new SwineForce 4? 3Bob: No...although we do have a bunch of 2MB S3 cards. 4Hackles: Do you stock anything good in here?!? 4Bob: If you leave now, you can catch Big Buy before it closes. 262 Bob,Hackles,manager 1Hackles: Wow, you guys have a great selection! Much better than the Hardware Hutt! 1Hackles: Does this sound card work with Linux? 1manager: Lin - what? 2Hackles: Um, well can you tell me which chipset it uses? Does it have a MIDI interface? 2manager: I think it has a chip in there. What's MIDI in your face? 3Hackles: Does anyone in this store know anything about computers?? 3manager: I'm the computer department manager. Let me tell you about our extended warranty... 4Narrator: Later, at the Hardware Hutt 4Bob: Sound cards? We only have a crappy 16-bit ISA... 4Hackles: I'll take it. 263 Boss,Hackles,Preston 1Boss: I need to give this technical report to Preston. 1Hackles: You might want to try another time - he usually takes lunch around now. 2Boss: He's not in? That's OK, I'll just leave it on his desk. 2Hackles: No, that's not why you shouldn't go in there! 3Preston: Mmph, what do you want? *belch* 3Boss: My God! 264 Boss,Katrina,Hackles,Percy,Preston 1Hazel: ZZZ... 1Boss: ? 2Percy: ZZZ 2Boss: ! 3Boss: What the heck is going on here?!? 3Hackles: Out... of... coffee! 265 Hackles,Preston,Computer 1Hackles: You use "Ask Jeeves" for your search engine? You should use Google. 1Preston: Google is for wimps! 2Hackles: All right, let's "Ask Jeeves" which search engine is the best! 2Preston: You're on! Jeeves, don't let me down... 2Computer: "What is the best search engine?" 3Hackles: Dogpile? What the heck is that? (I like the name though.) 3Preston: Jeeves, you traitor! 3Computer: Result #1: Dogpile.com 266 Katrina,Hackles,Marcus 1Marcus: Do you have the time? I want to set my watch. 1Hackles: According to my computer, the time is 10:18 AM. 2Hackles: Rest assured, this time is reasonably accurate. I set a cron job to query the NIST time server via the rdate protocol, every 4 hours. 3Marcus: Never ask a geek a simple question. Ever. 3Hackles: Good point, although our firewall... 3Katrina: rdate? Isn't it better to use NTP? 267 Katrina,Vic 1Katrina: Hey Vic, I never noticed this switch marked "evil" on you. Hmm... What if I just... 1Vic: Say what now? 2Katrina: Gasp! 2Vic: Bzzzt! It's Not a bug, it's a feature! Where do you want to go today? 3Vic: It's better with the butterfly! 3Katrina: Hackles! Get in here and kill this thing! 268 Katrina,Pete,Vic 1Vic: Developers! Where are the software developers?! 1Katrina: Whoa! 2Vic: Crush destroy Delete! killall! 3Katrina: Hackles? Did you ever think it might be a bad idea to build a robot with an "evil" switch? 269 Marcus,Pete,Vic 1Marcus: Oh great, it's Vic. I hope this loser doesn't try to talk to me 2Vic: Puny mouse, tell me where the weakling pig and dog are... Or I will destroy you! 2Marcus: Um, that way. 3Marcus: Hmm...maybe I misjudged the little guy. He speaks my language! 270 Hackles,Preston,Vic 1Vic: I have found you, nerd dog! 1Hackles: Vic? 2Vic: Silence! Hand over the source code to your latest project - or die! 2Hackles: What happened to you? 2Preston: Yowza! 3Hackles: W...Who did this to you? 271 Hackles,Pete,Preston,Vic,Red robot 1Vic: Here is the source code, Lord Red Robot! 1Red robot: Excellent, my minion. Together we will rule the world! 2Vic: Ha ha, heh?? 2Red robot: Mwuh-ha-ha! Ha-ha! 3Vic: What... what happened to me? 3Red robot: Dang, can't I have a minion for longer than two minutes? Oh well, I've got the source code - Bye! 4Vic: I'm sorry I stole your source code, Hackles. 4Hackles: That's OK. It was Open Source... he could have downloaded it for free. 4Preston: What a lame evil plan! 272 Katrina,Hackles,Preston,Red robot 1Katrina: I realize that the code Red Robot stole is Open Source...but aren't you afraid that he could do something evil with it? 2Hackles: Don't worry, Katrina. I gave him Preston's branch of the code! 2Preston: Hey! 3Red robot: What?! Another goto statement? This code...is...terrible! 273 Hackles,Preston 1Hackles: Preston, did you rip out that page from my O'Reilly bash book?! 1Preston: Uh oh. 2Hackles: Next time, I'd appreciate it if you would ask me before you wreck my stuff! 2Preston: Sorry! 3Preston: I guess I won't show him the cool potato chip bowl I made from his Red Hat CDs 274 Katrina,Hackles,Hazel,Preston 1Hackles: Where's Hazel? 1Preston: I think she's at lunch. 2Hackles: Wow, her chair is much more comfortable than ours! 2Preston: Well, let me try it! 3Hackles: Get your own chair! 3Preston: Quit hogging it! 4Katrina: Hazel, what's wrong? 4Hazel: My spidey sense is tingling... Let's not go back to the office today! 275 Hackles,Hazel,Preston 1Hackles: Will you guys listen to the Valentine poem I wrote for this cute spaniel I met online? 1Hazel: How sweet! 2Hackles: Your beauty is like a freshly compiled kernel! My love is as strong as a distributed packet storm! Please configure your firewall to allow traffic from my heart! 3Preston: It's... beautiful! 3Hazel: I hope you plan on sending a lot of chocolate with this... 276 Boss,Katrina,Hackles,Preston,Percy 1Boss: BitCo is trying out a new policy to make the workplace more productive...Free soda and snacks for everyone! 2Preston: This is great! I'm on my 7th soda, and it's not even 10AM! 2Hackles: A new record! I'm sooo wired! 3Label: The next day... 3Boss: New policy... free fruit and herbal tea. Only. 3Hackles: N...N...No! 277 Hackles,Preston 1Hackles: I don't know about this... 1Preston: You've got to see the awesome Easter Egg I made for our application! 1Preston: Just hover your mouse over the company logo... 2Preston: Preston ooownz this app! w00t w00t! 3Hackles: How much company time did you spend writing this? 3Preston: It was pretty tough - I'd say about a month. Why? 278 Katrina,Hackles,Preston 1Hackles: So, according to the Schrodinger's Cat paradox, a cat's quantum state is undefined until observed. 1Preston: I don't believe it! 2Hackles: It's true! If you put a cat in a box, the very act of opening and looking into the box determines its fate. 2Preston: There's only one way to solve this... 3Katrina: Something's not right here... 279 Marcus,Pete,Percy 1Marcus: What? Don't tell me the company bought you another computer! 2Marcus: How many computers do you geeks need?! 2Marcus: BitCo should be giving me a raise, not paying for your stupid toys! 280 Katrina,Charlie 1Charlie: I had to bribe that pig to get into BitCo, but it'll be worth it when I give these flowers to Katrina! 2Katrina: Ugh... I've been slaving over this JavaScript all night, and I still can't get it to work on every browser.. Come on, work this time! 3Katrina: Gah! Another error! This is the worst day ever! 4Charlie: Gasp! 4Katrina: Actually, this day is starting to get much better. 281 Boss,Pete,Percy 1Boss: You guys have been working so hard in front of your computers, I'm giving you a vacation at a beach resort! Now go get some fresh air! 2Narrator: We will be landing in twenty minutes... Please fasten your safety belts... 3Narrator: The perfect penguin vacation. 282 Hackles,Hazel 1Hazel: Rainy days like this inspire me to write poetry: "Oh mourning drizzle, why-" 1Hackles: I know what you mean! I wrote one too... 2Hackles: Actually, it's a program that recursively builds random symbol sequences from a weighted hash table of strings pulled from my text file collection... 3Hazel: Shakespeare is rolling over in his grave about now.. 3Hackles: "All providers benefit TCP routing devices attempted flooding from broadcast aggregated end-system.." 283 Hackles,Preston 1Preston: I accidentally erased some files. I'll call the penguins and have them restore a backup. 1Hackles: They won't like being disturbed on their vacation, you know. 2Preston: Nonsense! They love me.. Anyway, I want to try out my new video capture phone. 3Preston: Whoa, I didn't know a penguin could make a middle finger from his wing. 284 Pete,Percy 2Pete: Welcome aboard! Which section do you want to sit in? 2Percy: Quork! 3Label1: emacs section 3Label2: vi section 285 Katrina,Hazel 1Hazel: We spend our lives surrounded by loud, invasive commercials, listening to soulless corporate music, and slaving away in front of digitized CRT screens.. 2Hazel: It's easy to forget that there's a whole world of natural beauty out there. Lush green grass, wondrous bugs, and sweet-smelling flowers, the majestic roar of a waterfall. 3Hazel: Yeah, I was just thinking that. 3Katrina: That butterfly reminds me of those obnoxious MSN commercials. 286 Hackles,Vic 3Hackles: We've got to stop eating cereal before bedtime. After one more bowl. 3Vic: This Pac-Man Crunch is so addictive. Why did I ever start eating? 287 Boss,Preston 1Preston: You gave the penguins a vacation last week. I think I deserve one too! 2Boss: Well, our budget is tight, but I'll see what I can do. The penguins vacationed in their natural ocean habitat, so for you. 3Label: Porcine Paradise Mud Spa 3Preston: This is not what I expected. 288 Hackles,Mortimer,Preston 1Hackles: Mortimer! Why are you sitting at Preston's desk? 1Preston: I want to fill in while Uncle Preston is on vacation! 2Hackles: I'm not sure that.. whoa! Cool idea adding a static factory method to optimize object reuse! I could use you here. 3Preston: Good news! We're extending you vacation another week! Great 289 Katrina,Mortimer 1Katrina: Preston, we need to talk about tightening security on our web forms. 2Mortimer: I'm way ahead of you, Miss Cat! I identified and removed potentially sensitive information from our hidden fields. 2Katrina: Preston? Did you just get smarter? 3Mortimer: And I'm checking for possible unicode escape hacks, as well as system calls embedded in the URL, blocking directory browsing. 3Katrina: You're not Preston. 290 Preston,Mr.Swine 1Preston: This mud spa isn't so bad really.. I feel pretty relax 1Mr.Swine: The economy is down the toilet! IT firms today need to cut costs! 2Preston: That voice sounds familiar. Who is it? An old friend, maybe? 2Mr.Swine: When I get back from my vacation, the first thing I'm going to do.. 3Preston: Oh yeah. I hate this guy. 3Mr.Swine: ...is fire a bunch of employees, or I'm not the CEO of BitCo! 291 Hackles,Mortimer,Preston,Mr.Swine 1Preston: I've got to get back to BitCo before the CEO does! (pant pant) He's going to fire- hey! 2Preston: What's Mortimer doing in My chair? I can't believe this! The little runt is taking over my job! 3Preston: Whoa! He's back! 3Mr.Swine: I've got to fire someone, so it might as well be you. Pack your bags, pig! 4Preston: Wow, that could have been me! I guess that little pig is good luck after all! 4Mortimer: But.. I don't even work here. 292 Hackles,Hazel,Pete 1Hazel: Pete, you penguins have a fascinating dialect. Can you say words other than "Quork"? 2Pete: s/@f1(\(.*\))/\fR/g 3Hazel: What was that? 3Hackles: Oh, just an expression. 293 Katrina,Marcus,Pete 1Katrina: Oh great, here comes Marcus. All he does these days is talk about our latest bombing in Iraq. 2Marcus: Hey Losers! Have you heard - Ouch! 3Marcus: What was that for?! 3Katrina: Pre-emptive strike. 294 Hackles,Marcus 1Marcus: You geeks are getting more computers?! What are you doing with the old ones? 1Hackles: Oh, they won't go to waste. 2Marcus: Well, you should give one to me! I've been asking for another computer for a long time! 2Hackles: Um sorry, they're all being used. 3Marcus: I hate you. 3Hackles: Welcome to the SETI@home room! 295 Hackles 1Hackles: ZZZ... 1Computer: SETI@home: Submitting work unit... 2Hackles: Wha-? 2Computer: Congratulations! That data you sent proves that aliens exist! We're coming to greet you now! 3Hackles: Oh my gosh! That was just a dream! 4Hackles: Rats. 296 Preston,Pete,Percy 1Preston: Can you guys fix my computer? I think I accidentally erased all my libraries. 2Pety: Quork 2Preston: You want me to submit my requests where? In here? 3Label: /dev/null 3Preston: Uh... Guys? Guys? 297 Hazel,Marcus 1Marcus: I love Easter! It's the one time of year I can really indulge my sweet tooth. 3Marcus: mmph - want a bite? 3Hazel: Easter is a little disturbing for us rabbits... 298 Hackles,Hazel 1Hazel: Hi Hackles. How do you like my new 24" monitor? 2Hackles: Um, it's - "cough" - pretty, err... cool... 3Hackles: So .. much .. waste! 3Hazel: It kills you to see me run this at 800x600 resolution, doesn't it? 299 Hackles,Hazel,Pete,Percy 3Hackles: I believe they just installed Gentoo Linux. 3Hazel: Wild. 300 Boss,Hackles,Marcus,Preston 1Hackles: This party is going to be great! 1Boss: I'll bring the food! 1Preston: Yowser! 2Marcus: Did I hear someone mention a party? I'll be there! This reminds me of my fraternity days- just us guys having a wild time! 2Boss: See you tonight, Marcus. 3Marcus: LAN party?!? What the &#!:( is a LAN party?!? 301 Preston, Katrina, Hazel, bird 1Preston: Neo Preston flies through the air, manipulating the Matrix to his will... 2Preston: He spots the cinema, and dives down to buy advance tickets for The Matrix Reloaded! 3Katrina: You look real cool on that segway, "Neo"! 3Preston: They're just jealous... 302 Katrina, Marcus 1Marcus: Why aren't you with that promotional website? I don't have all day! 1Katrina: I spent the morning making the site Feng Shui. 2Katrina: See how I allow for the flow of energy around the margins? A I use complimenting colors to increase Chi and promote health and fortune. 2Marcus: Gah! Wha?! 3Katrina: Hehe! I think I angered hi into a coma this time. 303 Boss, Mortimer 1Boss: Hi Mortimer, it looks like you're having fun with those LEGOs. What are you making? A castle? A skyscraper? 2Mortimer: No way, mister boss! This is gonna be a scale model of an IBM p690 Regatta server, complete with I/O drawers and 32-way SMP design! 3Boss: Kids today are getting way too sophisticated. 3Mortimer: I modified the LEGO guy to hold a SCSI disk. 304 Preston, Katrina, Boss, Hackles 1Preston: Guess what? I have a bootlegged preview copy of Matrix Reloaded on this laptop! 1Katrina: Meow! We must watch it! 2Boss: Not during work hours, you won't! I'm going to confiscate this until the end of the day. 2Katrina: Hey! 2Preston: Hey! 3Boss: I need to get some blinds installed on that window. 305 Boss, Preston 1Boss: Preston, have you written that software documentation? 1Preston: All done, Boss. 2Label: B17CO POR74L!!! steps: install software run software send us fan mail 3Boss: I guess it's time to hire a technical writer... 3Preston: The Comic Sans fonts adds a touch of class! 306 Hackles, Pete, Percy, weasel 1Weasel: Yes, the eWeasel Productivity Suite will enable Enterprise Solutions for your eCommerce and eBusiness systems. Yup. 2Hackles: So, basically you're trying to sell us an overpriced product that does the same stuff we can get from free UNIX tools. 2Weasel: Uh oh, think fast... 3Weasel: Let's not be hasty! We can discuss this over some ... sushi! On me, of course. 3Hackles: He's good. 3Pete: Quork! 3Percy: Quork! 307 Hazel, Pete, Percy, Katrina 1Hazel: Hi Katrina! Yes my car is still in the shop... A ride? No thanks, the penguins already offered to bring me to work. No, I've never ridden with them before. Why do you ask? 2Hazel: C...Could you g..guys p...please t..turn off the air c...conditioning? 3Katrina: So...do you want to ride with me tomorrow? 3Hazel: YES! 308 Hackles, Preston, weasel 1Weasel: So eWeasel Software Suite will leverage your existing infrastructure... 1Hackles: Wasabi! 1Preston: Wasabi! 2Weasel: Maximizing your ROI while integrating smart business solutions with bleeding edge legacy platforms... 2Hackles: Hot! Hot! Slurp! Hot! Hot! Hot! 2Preston: Hot! Hot! Slurp! Hot! Hot! Hot! 309 Pete, Percy, Katrina, Preston 1Label: ACME HOLOGRAM MACHINE 1Label: Click 2Katrina: Hi guys, what are - Whoa! 2Label: Bzzsh! 3Katrina: That's a nice trick. 3Preston: eeek 310 Preston, Hackles 1Preston: I wrote a super, new compression algorithm - I call it pigzip! Look how much space I'm saving by pigzipping all our application data! 2Hackles: I cant believe it! This pigzip took 3 gigabytes of data, and compressed it down to only... 3 bytes... wait... 3Hackles: I'm guessing there's no decompression algorithm yet. 3Preston: It's harder than it looks. 311 Hackles, Preston, Katrina 1Hackles: So I spent 6 hours downloading this movie, and then another 4 hours converting it from AVI to MPEG... 2Hackles: And then of course, I converted it from MPEG to VCD, and burned it on CD. 2Preston: And I bought a VCD compatible DVD player so we can watch it on the TV! 3Katrina: You guys realize you could have rented "Scooby Doo" from the video store for $3. 3Hackles: I'm not paying money for "Scooby Doo" 312 Hazel, Katrina, Hackles, Preston 1Hazel: When I turn off my home computer at night, it makes a funny - 1Katrina: You turn off your computer et night?!? 1Hackles: You turn off your computer et night?!? 2Katrina: I haven't turned off my computer in 5 months! 2Hackles: 4 1/2 months uptime for me. 2Preston: Almost 6 months here! 3Hazel: The things I do to fit in... 3Label: HANG IN THERE 313 Katrina, Hazel 1Katrina: Ooooh, I'm so hungry... I'm on the Hacker's Diet, and I have to keep track of every calorie I eat. 1Label: rumble 2Katrina: It would be a lot easier to stay away from unhealthy foods if I was doing this with someone. Do you want to try the diet with me, Hazel? 3Hazel: Rabbits don't need diets. 314 Pete, Percy, Preston, Katrina, Hackles 1Preston: Why are you guys using old-fashioned compression tolls like gzip and *shudder* bzip2? 2Preston: You should use PIGZIP, my new, fast, efficient compression utility! Of course, I patented PIGZIP technology, so there is a small royalty fee... 3Katrina: What happened the Preston? 3Hackles: He got PIGZIP-ed. 315 Marcus, Hackles, rat 1Marcus: SCO has the right idea! Just sue everyone for using your code - you don't even have to provide any proof! Money in the bank! 1Hackles: Uh oh. 2Label: This morning I sent a notice to RatCo, our main competitor, that their software uses our intellectual property... 2Label: RATCO 2Rat: What the...! 3Marcus: I'm not kidding! If you look at their code, it starts with "#include ", just like ours! 3Hackles: I feel sick. 316 Preston, Vic 1Preston: If watching The Matrix has taught me anything, it's never to trust robots! You guys are just waiting for your chance to use us animals as captive energy sources! 2Vic: Don't be ridiculous. The Second Law of Thermodynamics prevents such an inefficient system from yielding a positive energy suppl. It wouldn't be logical for us robots to use as batteries... 2Preston: Oh, okay. 3Vic: ...We would just do it for fun. 317 Marcus, Katrina, Percy 1Marcus: Ha! You guys thought I made a mistake accusing RatCo of stealing our code... Well, look what came in the mail! 2Marcus: I'll bet it's a big cash settlement! It's time you losers learned that intellectual property is nothing to laugh a...GAH! 2Label: sproing! 3Marcus: Oh, the bitter irony. 3Label: Ha ha ha! 3Label: Quork quork! 318 Marcus, gorilla 1Marcus: I tell you, people these days have no respect for intellectual property! I tried to sue a competitor for stealing my company's source code... 1Label: Tues. Thurs. SPUD BE 2Marcus: And they dared ask me for proof! After smashing a pie in my face, no less... 2Gorilla: Me understand mouse's anger! 2Label: 2f Drafts! Tues. Thurs. SPUD BE 319 Preston, Katrina, Boss 1Preston: I bought this awesome 900 Watt surround sound system for my computer. Let's see how loud it can go! 2Label: rumble 3Boss: In my office. Now! 3Preston: It's probably good that I can't hear a thing he's saying. 320 Preston, Mortimer, Percy, Pete 1Preston: Most people have lame email signatures with just their name end job title, but if you want to be a cool hacker, you've got to have a cool sig! 1Mortimer: Really, Uncle Preston? 2Preston: Of course! For example, I just pasted the entire transcript of Matrix and Matrix Reloaded into my sig, and sent an email to everyone at the office! 3Mortimer: Not big Matrix fans, are they? Apparently not. 321 Becka, Bob, Hackles 1Becka: Here's the new 200GB SwineStor Hard Drive - Ultra ATA, 133 MB/sec transfer, 8MB buffer, 7200RPM 1Hackles: Thanks, Becka! I'll take it. 2Becka: So...I think that guy's pretty cute. 2Bob: You like that loser?!? I don't know about your taste in mem. 3Bob: I beat him 3 out of 5 games at the Magic Tournament in the mall! I'm the alpha male,not him! 3Becka: And you wonder why you're still single. 322 Becka,Katrina,Hackles,Preston 1Becka: So, you work with Hackles, right? Tell me, do you think he'd make a good boyfriend? 1Katrina: You like Hackles?! Wll, let me think... 2Hackles: Ya remember the time I tried to extract thosh files with "ar d" instead of "ar x", and it turned out to be a cpio archive anyway? Hic! ... crazy times thosh were. 2Preston: Uurp! 3Katrina: Um...yeah , he's a great catch. 3Becka: Oh, I never doubted it! 323 Becka,Boss,Hackles 1Hackles: Katrina set me up on a date tonight with this girl Becka, but I don't have a clue how to dress! All I own are nerdy Linux and Java T-shirts. 2Hackles: You were pretty popular with the girls back in the day - have any tips for me? 2Boss: Sure! I'll lend you my old duds. 3Becka: Hackles?! 3Hackles: Oi. 324 Becka,Hackles,spirits 1Becka: Wow, so you're a punk rock computer programmer? How cool! 1Hackles: Well to be honest, I sort of feel like a freak in these clothes. 2Becka: No way! I think that shows you're open-minded. In fact, I was hoping you would meet some of my friends tonight... 2Becka: Have you heard of "Squidentology"? 2Hackles: Um, I think I heard them on the radio once. (They're a band, right?) 3Becka: You should read our book, Squidentics! 3spirits: Brother, we must exorcise the squid spirits from your soul... 3Hackles: help. 325 Hackles,Preston,Preston's wife 1Preston: How did your date go? 1Hackles: I ran out! Becka tried to get me to join the Squidentology cult. They wanted me to give them all my possessions! 2Preston: Hey, that's a small price to pay for a girlfriend! Think about it, Becka is a girl hwo likes you, a computer dork! 3Narrator: I once gave away all my possessions to join a commune, just so I could date this cute swine! It was a great two weeks. 4Hackles: But they tried to grab my Zaurus Linux PDA! 4Preston: Curse you, Squidentologists! 326 Boss, Hackles, Preston 1Boss: We have word that RatCo is developing a new Enterprise Web Services Financials Brokenrage Platforn, due for release in 12 months. 2Boss: We need to release our own version and make it better, faster, and more reliable! I'm counting on you guys! 2Hackles: We can do it! 2Preston: Yeah! Go BitCo! 3Preston: Um, what is an "Enterprise Web Services Financials Brokenrage Platform" anyway? 3Hackles: I'm looking it up on Google now. 327 Hazel, Marcus, octopus 1PC: Licensee agrees to adhere to the following addendums: 1.License fee.. 1Marcus: Stupid End User License Agreement!! Who reads these things anyway? 2PC: Payable to the Licenser on a per-CPU basic 2.Mandatory octopus on ... 2Marcus: Great, more boring screens to click through - I just want to install the stupid software! 3Hazel: Marcus, what's that - 3octopus: $@#! EULA! 328 Hazel, Hackles, Percy 1Hazel: I want to set up a small network in my house. Can you guys help me? 1Hackles: Of cource! 1Persy: Quork! 2Hackles: We'll put the router/firewall on a rack,along with the Squid Web Proxy. Of cource you'll want a KVM switch to keep track of the IMAP server. Now, for the bathroom subnet... 3Hazel: I should have foreseen this. 329 Hackles, Preston 1Hackles: What did you do last night, Preston? 1Preston: Wait until you hear this! 2Preston: I spent the night hacking into a corporate website. After hours of scanning for vulnerabilities, I exploited a hidden backdoor and left my mark! 3Hackles: So you're the one who defaced our website - using the backdoor you wrote! 3Preston: I said too much. 330 Katrina,Hackles,Marcus 1Marcus: We need to stop using Linux at this company! SCO's legal claims against Linux make sense, and we could get into a lot of trouble! 2Katrina: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha 2Hackles: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha 3Marcus: This meeting isn't going well... 3Katrina: Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha stop! Ha Ha 331 Katrina,Hazel, animals 1Hazel: Your new wireless access point is convenient, but why is the internet connection so slow? 1Katrina: ! 2Katrina: Everbody get off my lawn, and stop sucking up my bandwith! 3Katrina: I just set up the WAP five minutes ago! 3Hazel: Geeks move fast. 332 Hackles,Hazel 1Hackles: That Animatrix DVD party last night was great! Wish you could have been there... 1Hazel: Why didn't you invite me? 2Hackles: I tried contacting you by email, IRC, ICQ, AIM, Jabber, and SMS, but apparently you weren't available. 3Hazel: You couldn't have just called my phone? 3Hackles: Didn't think of that. 333 Hackles,Hazel,Preston 1Hazel: A customer is having problems with our application. 1Preston: I'll take it. 2Preston: Well of course it doesn't work! You're using a version 1.1 JDK, you loser! 2Hackles: Ha Ha! 3Preston: What?! linux Kernel 2.2? Stop, you're killing me! Get out of the dark ages, you moron! 3Hackles: What a chump! 3Hazel: Never let them talk to customers. 334 Boss, Preston 1Preston: I deserve a raise for all the work I do! Did you know I wrote 8,000 lines of code yesterday? 2Boss: Prston, first of all, in this modern age of object-oriented programming, open source code libraries, and design patterns, we can't accurately judge productivity by the number of lines you code... 3Boss: Secondly, I saw you code, and 7,900 lines of ASCII art is your comments does not count as work. 3Preston: Eek 335 Katrina,Hackles,Preston 1Preston: Do you really think this will work? 1Hackles: Hello, is this Katrina Vittles? How would you like to subscribe to the daily newspaper... 2Katrina: Gah! How dare you call me at dinner time to sell me stuff! I signed up for the National Do Not Call Registry, you know! Once it takes effect, scum like you will have to pay $11,000 each time you call me, do you hear?!? 3Katrina: $11,000, you @!*# telemarketing loser, you annoying little !#*%! 3Hackles: It always works. 3Preston: Ha ha! 336 Marcus,Vic 1Vic: I can't wait until the National Do Not Call Registry takes effect on October 1st. It'll be nice not to get - 1Marcus: That stupid registry is un-American! 2Marcus: How is an honest businessman supposed to sell anything if he can't interrupt some lazy slob at dinnertime, and get him to buy stuff? I'm gonna call 400 people each day to sell them BitCo software, before October 1st comes, let me tell you. 3Vic: Wow, and I thought you were a jerk when you were sober. 3Marcus: Yeah? Well I thought robots didn't drink beer! 3Vic: We don't. This is Yoohoo. 337 Hackles,Preston 1Hackles: Can you believe it? Microsoft erased 35 weeks of potentially incriminating emails they were ordered to divulge in the Burst.com court case! 2Preston: Scoundrels! 338 Hackles,Hazel,Pete,Percy 1Pete: ! 1Percy: ! 2Narrator: Alert! Security exploit found in OpenSSH! All Employees must upgrade to version 3.7 on all boxen! 3Narrator: Arooooogah! Aroooogah! 3Hackles: I guess the penguins installed a new alert system. 3Hazel: The lights... my eyes... blinded... 339 Boss,Preston 1Boss: This Vonnegut boot is pretty interesting... 1Preston: What is that, a paperback? Get out of the Stone Age! 2Preston: With my new Palm Pilot, I've downloaded hundreds of ebook warez, and can view dozens of different novels at any time on this compact, high-tech device.Yes sir,dead tree books are for losers! 3Boss: Wait a minute - I've never seen you read an ebook... and you're playing Snakes right now! 3Preston: Oh yeah, reading is for losers, too. 340 Boss,Hackles,Preston 1Boss: Management wants to send us to this year's DeveloPalooza - the big Programmer conference! It's going to be at a beach resort in Hawaii, with free meals, drinks, and vendor goodies! 2Boss: Unfortunately, we can only afford to send one of you, so I'm going to leave the room and let you decide who shouuld go. 3Hackles: So Preston what do you- GAH! 4label: There can be only one! 341 Hackles,Preston 1label: GATE C -> 1Preston: I'm excited about my trip - but I can't help feeling that I've forgotten something... 2Preston: This is driving me crazy! What could it be? 3Hackles: Gasp! I told you to make air holes! 3Preston: That's what I forgot! 342 Hackles,Preston,Piglady 1Hackels: Wow,the conference schedule looks fun! First, we should check out the keynote speech on the future of IT ... then we can go to the .NET vs. J2EE debate... 2Hackels: Then we can - Preston? 3Preston: Yeah, I'm the 1337 h4X0r in my company. Just the other day the president called me for advice... 3Piglady: ooh! ah! 343 Marcus,Pete,Percy 1Marcus: I really need to yell at someone! Too bad that dorky dog and pig are away... I guess I'll have to pick on the penguins. 2Marcus: Your stupid SMTP server rejected the 50MB PDF file I tried to mass email! I damand that you remove my quota! And why aren't we using MS Exchange, anyway?! 3Marcus: I think I prefer yelling at the dog and pig. 344 Hackles,Preston,Piglady,Turtle,Tiger,Hen 1Hackles: Preston, where the heck are you? The conference is about to start! 1Preston: Um, this coconut rum is really kicking my butt! Go on without me - you can use my pass. 2Turtle: Yeah, and you kept flaming me and called my kernel patch "st00pid"! 2Hen: Hey, you're Preston Piggleworth? You're the one that kept trying to deface my company's website! 2Tiger: Grr! 3Hackles: It looks like you have a lot of fans in the IT community. 3Preston: See, I told you I was famous! 345 Katrina,Hazel,Marcus 1Hazel: What a cute costume, Marcus! 1Marcus: Cute?! Don't you recognize me? 2Narrator: I am the Rock! I am the most Electrifying, world famous mouse in Pro-Wrestling! 3Katrina: You are one weird little mouse! 3Marcus: You put dried fish and Gentoo install CDs in the treat bowl, and you think I'm the freak? 346 Hackles,Preston, Rabbit, Dog 1Hackles: Isn't this a great idea? Now we can both see the conference, even though we only have one pass! 1Preston: I'm so tired... 1Hackles: No time for complaints! The EJB talk begins in 5 minutes. 2label: Conference Room B 2label: BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH 2Preston: So boring... can't stay awake... 3label: Conference Room B 3Preston: ZZZ 3Preston: This is going to be tough to explain. 347 Hackles,Preston, Elephant 1Hackles: Let's go to the class on Web Services design patterns. 1Preston: No way! I'm going over there to the Web Hackers class. 2Preston: And you're coming wi- Whoops! 2Hackles: Gah! Watch out - here comes the security guard! 3Elephant: OK, move it along. 3Hackles: This trip is not going as planned. 348 Boss,Hackles,Preston 1Boss: Because of your fiasco at DeveloPalooza, BitCo is now the laughing stock of the IT industry! 2Boss: I can't believe the lenghts you guys will go to crash a convention! 2Boss: Well, since you like seminars so much, I've signed you up for a special all-day event... 3Boss: Welcome to the 12 hour teamwork and workplace sensitivity seminar. On to the firt bullet point... 3Hackles: Can't ... avert eyes... from PowerPoint presentation. 349 Katrina,Hackles 1Hackles: How's it going today, Katrina? 2Email: Date: 2003-11-13 2Email: Subject: just another day at the office. 2Email: Mood: :-( Bored 2Email: Music LeTigre - My My Metro Card. 2Email: So I roll out of bed this morning, and the alarm clock says 7a.m.! Oh man, I must have forgotten to set it. Then, when I get to work, I find, like a million SPAM email in my Inbox. Then I can't find my CSS O'Reilly book. What a day 3Hackles: So... I see you've been blogging. 3Katrina: Is it that obvious? 350 Katrina, Hackles, Preston 1Preston: I've read Katrina's whole blog, and it's so boring! She doesn't even mention me once! Not once, can you believe it? What do I need to do to get in there, anyway? 2Hackles: First of all, why do you care? Second, she's not going to write about you unless you affect her day; like if you really annoy her, or better yet,do something nice for her. 2Preston: Something nice, eh? Hmm... Something nice.. 3Katrina: Gah! What What are you doing?!? 3Preston: Eh, :annoying: is a lot easier. 351 Hackles,Vic 1Vic: Everyone is so excited about AMIGA OS4, but I say big deal. Why isn't anyone writing a modern OS for the VIC 20? Now that would be cool! 1Hackles: Well, you architecture is pretty limiting. 2Vic: What?! How can you say such slanderous things? 2Hackles: There's your reliance on obsolete, proprietary hardware, lack of network support, that whole 8-bit addressing thing... 3Vic: I'm so mad, I could just, um... ..er.. 3Hackles: ... and of cource your whopping 3.5KB memory. 3Vic: What were we talking about again? 352 Katrina,Hackles,Marcus,Preston 1Marcus: I think we need to indemnify our customers. Indemnification in today's software market is essential, since unindemnified users... 1Hackles: But, by indemnifying customers needlessly, aren't we adding to the indemnity FUD? 2Katrina: Stop saying "indemnify"!! I hate that stupid word! It bugs me just to hear it! 3Narrator: 2 weeks later 3Preston: So ... are you up for a little indemnification after lunch? 3Hackles: Sounds good, although I spent the morning indemnifying the... 353 Hackles, Marcus, Preston 1Marcus: I know you geeks play video game football every Thanksgiving morning. Why don't you come over to my place this year - I just got a new killer game console! 1Hackles: I didn't know you were a games, Marcus! 1Preston: Cool! 2Marcus: Have a seat, losers! I'm firing up the big game. 2Hackles: Wait, isn't that... 3Marcus: That's right! A state of the art Atari 2600 - probably much cooler than that stupid "Cube Box-Station" you geeks play... 4Marcus: Prepare to get your butts kicked,dorks! 4Preston: No, you'd better prepare. 354 Katrina, Hackles, Hazel, Pete 1Hazel: Could you guys tell me the difference between RAID 0+1 and RAID 1+0? I need to know for my homework. 1Hackles: No problem! 1Pete: Quork 2Hackles: You see, a RAID 0+1 is a striped set of mirrors... wait, or is that a mirrored set of striped disks; I always get that mixed up. 2Pete: Quork,Quork 2Preston: Its better to mirror before striping! I think... 3Hackles: Oh, but isn't a RAID 10 the same as a RAID 0+1? No, it's a 1+0... erm 3Pete: Quork 3Preston: No, no, you're striping where you should be mirroring! 4Katrina: Did those guys help you out? 4Hazel: Yes.No.Yeah. I mean,no. 355 Boss, Preston 1Boss: It seems that you've been living who lines. One life, you're Preston Pigglesworth, program writer for a respectable software company. You have a social security number, pay your taxes... help your landlady carry out her garbage. 2Boss: The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the hacker alias "NeoPreston" and are guilty of virtually every computer crime we have a rule for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them dows not. 3Preston: I'm just trying to find the Matrix! 3Boss: Hostin a Warez site on your work computer doesn't count as "finding the Matrix". 356 Hackles, Vic 1Vic: Hey, according to this email, someone has a crush on me! I just have to register at this web site to find out who ... 2Hackles: Vic, those "crush" emails are just spammer tricks to harvest email addresses! 2Hackles: Think about it - you're a robot. Who would have a crush on you? 3Vic: Obviously you haven't met my online girlfriends. 3Vic: This one's really cute! 4Hackles: I really widh I did't just see that. 4Vic: Check out the motherboard on this one! 357 Katrina, Hazel 1Katrina: What does your fortune cookie say,Hazel? 1Hazel: "Your infectious smile will win you many friends." 1Hazel: What about yours? 2Katrina: "Using Open Source SVG generating and transforming tools will save time, bandwidth, and expense in you web-based graphing project." 3Katrina: There fortunes are getting downright spooky. 4Hazel: How did they know I have an infectious smile? 358 Pete,Percy,Spammer 1Narrator: Twas the night before Christmas and in this warm house, a spammer was busy with his keyboard and mouse... 2Narrator: Sending out mail, selling pyramid schemes, never thinking he'd get caught is his wildest dreams... 3Narrator: Visions of riches fill his head no doubt, but alas this poor soul never heard of Ident and Traceroute. 359 Boss, Hackles, Hazel, Preston, Boss double 1Boss double: Merry Christmas! 1Hazel: Wow, an iPod! Thanks Boss! 2Boss double: How would you like a new DVD burner, Preston? 2Preston: You rock Boss - I mean Santa! 3Boss double: And Hackles... I want you to have this CD. It's very important that you examine the data on it. 3Hackles: Gee,thanks Boss - what's on it? 4Boss double: Uh oh. 4Hackles: Boss?! 4Boss: What the - 360 thief, Preston, Vic 361 Boss, Pete, Percy, Boss double, Red robot 1Boss: Penguins,catch that imposter! 1Boss double: Gotta run! 2Boss: That's an impressive costume, but now we'll see who you really are... 3Red robot: Curse you meddling penguins! 3Boss: Gasp! 362 Boss, Hackles, Preston, Pete, Percy, Red robot 1Red robot: You may have caught me, but it's too late to stop my master plat! The wheels are already set in motion... 2Narrator: Cleverly disguised, I infiltrated BitCo and found the secret CD ROM the penguins had hidden... 2Preston: Hi Hazel! 2Red robot: I like carrots. 3Narrator: I knew it contained the nearly finished source code for a program that would unlock the secrets of the Universe. But it was too esoteric for me to understand. 3Red robot: Common Lisp? Who the @#$%^!* uses that? 4Narrator: So I gave it to the one coder I knew was smart enough, and obsessive enough, to crack the puzzle... 4Hackles: Common Lisp - cool. 363 Hackles, Pete, Percy 1Hackles: No, I won't stop! This is the most fascinating code I've ever seen! I wonder why it's unfished. 1Percy: Quork! 2Pete: Quork! 2Hackles: Well, I don't care if everyone who's tried to finish it has gone insane. I'm going to complete the code. 2Percy: Quo... 3Hackles: I will finish the code, and you can't stop me, you crazy penguins! 4Hackles: Something's different about them... maybe it's Hawaiian shirt day? 364 Boss,Katrina,Hackles,Hazel,Marcus,Pete,Percy,Preston,Vic 1Hackles: There, I've finished the last line of code. Now to press ENTER, and watch the secrets of the universe unfol... 3All: Hackles? Are you OK? 3All: Hackles?